Joan of Arcadia
Back To The Garden

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Deborah: B- | Grade It Now!
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Growth Opportunity

Grace and Joan are walking to school together. Grace is wearing her leather jacket again. Joan's wearing a plaid, above-the-knee sundress that makes her look quite bosomy, with a light grey cardigan over it, and midcalf low-heeled lace-up boots. Grace asks if Joan and Adam have made up. Joan says they have. Grace: "Because you, like, totally humiliated him at the party." Joan says she knows, and they discussed it, and she apologized. Grace: "And he's okay? Because you took quite the emotional dump on him at that party." Joan: "Okay, Grace? I get the point. Just stay away from parties from now on." Grace: "My dad found out that Judith ended up in the hospital; now he thinks I'm being tainted by the heathen shiksa." Gee, wait until he finds out you're secretly dating a shaygets. Joan sighs, exasperated: "She just felt out of place and sort of anxious, so she acted out a little." Grace: "Getting your nose pierced is acting out a little. Almost dying in a puddle of your own vomit is a little darker than that. But what do I know?" Joan's distracted by something up ahead. We see Judith hanging out by some bleachers with some other students, smoking. She calls out to Joan and Grace: "Hey, you guys!" Joan waves back, telling Grace, "She's just trying to find her way. She needs friends." Grace mutters, "Looks like she made some new ones. I'll catch you later, I'm gonna go…run with scissors." Hee.

Judith and Joan walk toward each other. Joan asks her, "What are you doing here? This is, like, the super-loser hangout." Judith says it's the only smoking section. She puts her butt out as she suggests, "So tonight: perfect girls' night out: go the mall, sneak into all the crap movies for free." Joan reminds her about studying for physics. Judith: "Oh, what's physics compared to Catherine Zeta-Jones twenty-five pounds overweight from the baby?" One of Judith's new buddies, a slacker boy, says, "Hey, come on, we're going for Big Gulps. You want a Big Gulp? 'Cause…we're going for'em." Judith: "Totally!" She starts off and asks Joan, "You coming?" Joan grabs her by the arm, reminding her that they have class: "You skipped, like, three days already. You want to get booted out of another school?" Judith whines, "Hey, I was in the hospital, remember?" She thinks she ought to be able to milk that for a few more days. And she's probably right. Joan: "Come on. Everyone's been asking about you!" Judith: "Is that why Grace took off like the Roadrunner?" Joan doesn't know what to say to that. Judith puts her hands on each side of Joan's head and says, "Don't be so sad, Joanith! I'm fine! Take notes for me, okay? Mwah!" And yes, she makes that sound as she pecks Joan on the cheek and takes off. Joan's about to leave when a groundskeeper asks Joan to give him a hand with a small evergreen tree that's so scrawny and dead-looking it would make Courtney Love look vital. Joan: "Uh, no offense, but isn't that kind of a random place to be planting a tree?" Groundskeeper: "Does seem out of place, doesn't it? Sort of like you've been feeling." Joan rolls her eyes: "Here we go again." Groundskeeper God picks up a hose and continues, "Sometimes when you're lost…it's an opportunity to cultivate a new place for yourself." He waters the wretched conifer as Joan complains, "And this is supposed to inspire me? The Charlie Brown Christmas tree of metaphors?" He doesn't respond. Joan, trying to guess the assignment: "You want me to take care of this?" Still nothing but a Mrs. LandingGod-esque glance. Joan: "Remember when you used to tell me to go try out for the cheerleaders? What happened to that?" Groundskeeper God finally replies, "If it's an assignment you want, you better get to physics. You're late." As the bell rings, Joan semi-screeches, "Whose fault is that?" Groundskeeper God wanders off with a Godwave. Joan hustles off. Theme music. What if God were obvious? Would we still have a show?

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Joan of Arcadia

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