Someone walks up to a dumpster in the dark and puts a gym bag into it. Over this we hear a phone call made to 911. A girl tells the operator, "Somebody should go look in the dumpster behind Jake's Auto Repair. It's on Third Street. Go now!"
The Girardi kitchen. The members of the Misfit Posse are doing their chemistry homework at the table. Grace rhymes off some chemical formulae, adding, "Do not ask me what that is." Adam says, "Epsom salt." You know, I'm loath to criticize my boyfriend, but if his memory's so eidetic, how come he believes Joan's name is Jane? Grace says, "Great. Can we go?" as Luke comes into the kitchen. Joan complains, "It wasn't my idea to study on Saturday night." Luke overhears this and comments, "Wow. The classic geek misdirect. 'Gee, I'd like to hang out with you, but let's pretend to study instead.'" Grace and Joan turn and say to him in unison, "We're not hanging out!" Hee! Not in too much denial. Adam, perennially puzzled: "We're not?" Luke says he was going to go meet his friend Friedman at the homecoming game: "If you guys are done analyzing anions, you wanna come?" Hee. Another classic geek misdirect: he doesn't have the nerve to ask Grace out himself, so he invites the whole group. Grace: "Uh, I think I got better things to do than watch a bunch of cheerleaders flash their panties at uh, brain-dead jocks." Joan lies through her teeth, "Yeah, and um, me too. I have big party I have to go to, so..." Adam says in all sincerity, "I would go if Jane was going..." Joan gives him a little shake of the head. Adam looks sad, and he and Grace wander out. As Joan starts to leave, Luke says, "Oh, Jane...before you head out to that uh, 'big, big party,' Mom wants you to take out the recycling." He hands her a bottle and pats her on the head. They don't have very much stuff on their fridge for a household of five people. Note to set people: put more stuff on the fridge. Fun stuff. Weird stuff. We like that stuff. We notice that stuff. Well, some of us do. C'mon, humour me.
Joan takes the recycling box out to the container near the garbage, and as she's about to dump the stuff, she's startled half out of her wits by a grubby vagrant (played by HITG! Larry Hankin) who's lurking there. You probably know him best as Mr. Heckles, Monica's and Rachel's neighbour from Friends. He commands her, "Be not afraid, Joan." I don't know how she kept from screaming bloody murder; I would have. He adds, "Sorry, it's me." Joan, relieved and thoroughly annoyed, asks, "'Be not afraid'? What's with that?" Vagrant God explains, "Sometimes I like to sound old-timey." Aw. God's all schmoopy for the olden days. I hope God smites somebody soon. Vagrant God cuts to the chase, and tells her to try out for the cheerleading squad. Joan: "Do you realize you're asking me to commit social suicide? Not only will I suck -- which...which I will -- but everybody will decide I'm a pathetic fluffhead!" Vagrant God informs her that the tryouts are Monday, and then wanders off. Joan can't believe she's supposed to get this together by Monday. She calls after him, "Should I provide my own pompoms? I don't even know what the school mascot is!" Excellent casting choice for God. Hmm. Did they shorten the opening, or am I imagining things? Also, Frink thinks the vocals sound like Mary Steenburgen singing. I don't hear that at all. I assured him it's Joan Osbourne.