Joan of Arcadia
Bringeth It On

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Helen's answering a call outside the principal's office: "Yeah, number one, Andrea, work on your mother's voice before you try it out on me, and two, don't use a disease you can only get on a pirate ship." Heh. Her co-worker is peering through the window to the principal's office where Will and Lt. Williams are talking to Principal Hotness. I don't know his name, but he's pretty fine. ["Fun fact: The actor who plays him is 28 years old. No, seriously." -- Sars] Her co-worker, whose name I also do not know, asks Helen what makes them so sure it was one of their students who abandoned the baby. Helen says the cleaning crew found a lot of blood in one of the girls' washrooms. And...what? They just thought it was something out of Carrie? Vice-Principal Price (do you have any idea how hard it is after four years of covering The West Wing to type "Vice-Principal" and not "Vice-President?") comes out of his office and asks Helen to make copies of a paper he's handing her, and to bring it in to him. He heads for the principal's office.

Cheerleader tryouts. CeCe thanks everyone for bringing their "Eagle spirits" to tryouts, despite the difficult day they've all had pursuant to the "disturbing dumpster baby news." Brianna: "Let's pop those herkies!" What? I so have no idea what that means. All right, I looked it up. It's some kind of splits. Still, popping herkies sounds like either drug slang, or something your chiropractor wouldn't approve of. They start going through a routine. Joan is hopelessly out of step and uncoordinated. At the end of a very short cheer, she stumbles and sort of wrenches her ankle, hollering, "Aw, crap!" She gets her balance, assures everyone she's okay, and then tries to assume the final position everyone else is holding, saying quietly, thirty seconds too late, "Eagles!"

Back in the principal's office, Price enters as the cops are telling Principal Hotness (whose name is actually Chadwick) that they'd like to interview students, faculty, and the school nurse. The principal seems reluctant; Will says he'd like to do this in a spirit of cooperation. Chadwick tells him not to expect confidential information about students. He's worried about rumours further traumatizing the student body. Price interrupts just as Helen arrives with his document. He says she has a list he's drawn up, which he thinks "will help [them] get through this with a minimum of distraction." Price indicates that she should hand out the copies, but Helen explains she didn't make any: "I'm sorry, but I really don't think you oughta be profiling girls in this way." Will: "Helen..." Principal Chadwick: "Mrs. Girardi..." She continues, "I know I'm just a wife and a glorified secretary here, but I'm also a parent, and if you are just gonna round up a bunch of girls you think are bad --" Price interrupts to say that it's not a list of "bad" girls, but "at-risk" ones who "haven't connected socially." Helen points out, "The only reason you didn't put my own daughter on this list is because her father is Chief of Police. This is a list of girls that don't conform to his idea of the perfect young lady!" Price says the list reflects his "extensive experience" with these students. Helen says that in that case she doesn't think he knows these kids very well. He thinks he knows which ones are at risk. Helen: "Every kid is at risk -- not just the ones who dress like it! And how about talking to some boys?" Will finally says, "That's enough, Helen." She looks surprised that he's the one shutting her down. Will tells Principal Chadwick that a life is on the line; the mother lost a lot of blood and is susceptible to infection. Price adds a comment about the psychological damage. Will suggests having a small, diverse group of students come to the station to listen to the 911 call and see if they can identify the voice. Chadwick agrees. Helen gives Will a dirty look as she leaves. Yeah, should be a fun time at dinner tonight.

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Joan of Arcadia

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