Kevin's outside the bathroom door, hollering, "Okay, Joan, here's the thing: it's the face you were born with. There's only so much you can do!" He asks Luke, who's waiting in line behind him, to tell her about the law of diminishing returns. Luke, who's busy with some flash cards, informs Kevin that it's actually an economic principle, not a law. Kevin claps Luke on the arm to prompt him, and Luke continues, "Which states that if one factor if one factor of production is increased while others remain constant, the overall returns will relatively decrease or diminish. Thus, the term." Inside the bathroom, we see Helen sitting on the toilet (oh, the lid's down, grow up), holding a pregnancy test and checking her watch. She's wearing a little cotton nightie and a plaid pyjama top and some weird little...boots? Don't ask me. Back in the hall, Kevin says he wanted Luke to get Joan out of the bathroom: "Not bore her into a coma." Back inside, Helen looks at the result, and exhales sharply when she sees that it's positive. Yikes. In the hall, Kevin inquires about Luke's flash cards. Luke explains that they're polynomial cards for the TriMathlon: "Calculus, trigonometry...and the real bad boy, probability theorem." Kevin yells again at Joan through the door that he's going to be late. Surely they have more than one bathroom in this house? Joan walks out of her bedroom, wondering why he's yelling at her. Kevin, puzzled, starts knocking and asking who's in the bathroom. Inside, Helen is hiding the pregnancy test under some Kleenex in the wastebasket. Yeah, in the history of television...that has never, ever worked. There has never been a home pregnancy test taken and not discovered. It's a law. If you really don't want someone to discover your pregnancy test -- especially if you live with four other people -- you go to greater lengths than tucking it under some tissue and dental floss.
Will walks up to his kids in the hall and says, "We've, uh...got no water." Joan asks why. Will says it's because they have no water, and if she wants a technical explanation, she should ask the plumber in the bathroom. Helen comes out, and Will tells her there's no water anywhere in the house for at least a couple of hours. She says she noticed, and asks if anyone wants breakfast. Joan zips into the bathroom and slams the door, leaving Kevin and Luke hollering outside. She says she needs the mirror more than they do, because she's getting her driver's licence today. Luke asks Kevin, "Do you think I should start shaving?" Kevin examines Luke's face, and says no, giving it a bit of a smack. Will heads downstairs, telling Kevin to thank his boss for the great editorial that called him a racist. Luke pipes up, "I have heard you mention that Asians drive badly." Kevin says the editorial called his policies, not him personally, racist. He adds that it's his job to verify the facts for everything that appears on the op-ed page, and the facts checked out. Will: "Now my son thinks I'm a racist?" Kevin: "Policies, Dad, not you." Will replies, "I'm not defending myself to you." Kevin says he's not, either. Will: "I'm not a racist." Kevin shrugs, "The facts checked out, Dad." Will's had enough; he walks away without a word. Kevin turns back to Luke, who says, "Harsh...very harsh." Kevin: "Facts don't lie." Luke argues, "Well, agreed, however, the interpretation of facts..." But Kevin's already wheeled away. Joan emerges and complains, "There's no water." Luke: "That's the rumour." Joan: "What about my hair?" It's a little roughed up and dirty-looking. Luke tells her to wear a hat. Joan: "Hats don't work on girls! I have to talk to that plumber." Luke goes into the washroom.
Joan goes into another bathroom and asks the plumber, who's lying under the sink, how long before there's water. The plumber asks, "How long is it going to take you to get your driver's licence?" She understandably wants to know what that's got to do with anything. Plumber God sits up on his elbow and points out it's the fifth test she's scheduled: "And this will be the fifth time you cancel, and I want you not to do that." Joan: "I want to wash my hair!" Plumber God: "Well, I'm God! My needs come first. So take the test." Heh. Joan leans down and says, "You're in my house. You've never come to my house before." Well, except the time Cute Guy God was in her yard, and Postal Worker God came to the door, and then there were the radio and television announcers...but I suppose, strictly speaking, none of God's avatars have ever actually been inside the house. Plumber God says, "Of course I have!" Joan says she'll take the test, and wants to know how long before there's water. Plumber God says he's working on it. Just wondering: Would Plumber God have ass crackage?