Joan of Arcadia
Just Say No

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Maternal Instincts

Joan's on the phone in her bedroom, blaring music, talking on the phone with a friend, eating Pringles, and IMing other friends. The call waiting beep comes through, and she puts her friend on hold to take the other call. It's Adam, and she tells him, "I can't talk right now. I'm mocking people in magazines." She asks him to call back in about twenty minutes. Her mother opens the door, wearing her nightclothes and looking tired and irritated. Joan goes back to her first call, but then notices her mother. They have a wordless exchange of expressions and Joan tells her friend, "I gotta go. I'm privacy-impaired." She hangs up, and Helen says, "It's late. It's a school night." Joan says she's a big girl. Helen: "I meant me!" She says the talking and music are too loud and Joan needs to be a lot quieter. Joan clicks something on her screen (I think she closed some of her chat windows), and Helen says, "I get to know who you're talking to on the internet. Dr. Phil is very clear on this point." Joan says it's Elyse, Sophie, Rhonda, and Dakota. I'm pretty sure Elyse and Sophie are Scylla and Charybdis. She's still talking to those beeyotches? Maybe she's not as smart as she seems. Joan adds, "All girl names. Happy?" Helen: "Dakota?" Joan: "Night, Mom. Good night!" Helen tries again: "That was Adam Rove on the phone?" Joan says yes with a lot of fake cheer and even more fake patience. Helen says Joan's been talking to him a lot lately, especially at school. Joan: "Yeah, well, if you weren't there, you wouldn't have to confront these horrible truths." Helen: "He's an interesting boy...I mean, for a friend...if he's a friend...or, if he's more, um, well, then...he's less interesting, if he's more." Aw! Don't be that way. I don't want to have to smack some sense into you. Joan, pointedly: "Good night, Mom!" Helen says she misses talking to her. Joan begs her not to get into this right now, because it's late, and she's still got homework (which is what she's talking to Adam about), adding, "And besides, you know...ecch." What? Is that about Adam? Am I going to have to smack everyone in the room? Helen is surprised: "Ecch?" Joan replies, "Talking to your mother when you're sixteen, I mean, even the good ones, it's -- it's creepy, okay? Good night." Helen doesn't know how to respond to that, so she just leaves, closing the door behind her. In the hallway, she pauses for a moment, and says to herself, "Ecch?" Credits.

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Joan of Arcadia

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