Breakfast time in the Girardi household. Joan's annoying her family by videotaping them. The episode switches back and forth between JoanCam and the normal deal. Helen wearily asks her to stop. Joan notices her mother looks really great today, and zooms in on her mouth: "Are you wearing lipstick?" Helen's irritated: "Don't you have to go to school?" Joan: "You never wear lipstick." She doesn't? Luke, eating cereal, asks his mother if she has a job interview or something. Joan, who didn't catch that on camera, commands him to say it again. Luke complies, impatiently. Joan starts narrating the action as she returns to Helen: "For those of you who are not watching in Odorama, Mom is always wearing a very nice perfume today." Helen complains, "Now I know how Sean Penn feels." Will comes down the kitchen stairs in a very unflattering argyle sweater. Joan, frustrated, yells, "Cut!" Luke: "Please stop yelling 'cut.'" Joan: "Wardrobe. Dad, I can't shoot you in that sweater! Everyone will think this is actually what you like!" He says it's his lucky sweater, and yells to Kevin that they have a 7:30 tee time. (Which I always hear as "tea time" and have to remind myself it's not.) Will drinks some orange juice right out of the container after declaring, "Today I'm going to play like Tiger Woods…when he played like Tiger Woods." As Kevin wheels in, wearing a polo shirt, Joan starts taping him: "Oh, preppy retro. That's working." She narrates: "This is my brother, Kevin Girardi." Will wants to get going. Kevin smirks: "He can't wait for me to kick his ass." Helen reminds Will they have to go over the Bakers' statements today. Will's pissed, and intends to play golf. He has no intention of letting the Bakers screw that up for him. Joan stops taping. Helen says okay. Will quickly apologizes, and when he kisses Helen's head, he says, "Hey…you smell good. Got a date?" Helen claims, "I am just competing with your true love. It takes effort." Will teases her: "After golf, you are a very close second." He tells Kevin, "Let's go, duffer." Joan tapes them as they leave. Kevin mugs. Jason Ritter can't help it. It's genetic.
More JoanCam. This time it's in Adam's face at school. He's not happy: "I thought you didn't have any free time." She says she doesn't, but needs extracurricular stuff: "And I don't have to make time for this, because it's supposed to be whatever happens, you know, in the moment." Joan comments on what she sees in her viewer: Adam's stressed. Not only that, but he looks kind of sullen, too. Adam says, "I can't talk to you like this, okay?" He slams his locker and takes off. Joan follows him, saying, "Yes, you can! Just act natural." Suddenly Grace is behind them, arguing, "That's an oxymoron. The minute you turn on a camera, you're distorting reality. It's Heisenberg's uncertainty principle." Grace is wearing a t-shirt that reads, "Thinking is the best way to travel." Joan: "You sound like my brother." Grace is taken aback: "Then I will…shut up…and I will walk away." She does, and Adam tries to do the same, saying he'll talk to Joan later, but Joan pleads with him to cooperate, saying she's just trying to document the two of them: "Forget the stress." Adam: "I'd love to." JoanCam shows that Joan's not very good at keeping the subject well-framed. ["Or at listening when the subject talks. Man, she bugged me this ep." -- Sars] She tells him to look into the camera, and talk about them, and what they mean to each other. Adam: "Jane…" Joan stamps her foot: "Oh, come on! It'll be like Real World: London. Not Vegas. Vegas is so cheesy." Adam tries to explain how fried he is when suddenly Judith's voice is behind Adam, saying, "Joanith, say hi to your peeps!" She's got a camera, too. Joan: "What are you doing?" Judith: "I'm videoing you videoing Adam. It's a total postmodern Warhol thing." Adam slaps his forehead with both hands. He can't take it anymore; he flees. Joan demands to know what Judith's doing. She says, "I'm doing my piece on Joanith. By shooting him, I'm focusing on you." Joan pushes the camera away -- guess she doesn't much like it in her face, either -- and tells Judith, "I was just getting him to open up to me. You scared him off!" Friedman zooms up and says, "Ladies, ladies…squabble not. Why don't you just shoot some video of each other?" There's something in his tone that makes them both slap him in the head.