Adam's trying to work on his art project; he's pulling apart that shiny, stringy stuff people line Easter baskets with. Joan's trying to tape him. She acknowledges how weird it is to be photographed, so she thinks she can make it easier on him by just telling him what to do. Adam: "How is that a documentary?" Joan misses the point completely: "I'm supposed to document how I see things. You're a part of that. I want to show the world what kind of couple we are." Adam: "The world?" Joan relents: "Okay. Public television. I know people don't really watch it but if I do good at this, we could get free tote bags!" That oughta improve Adam's lot in life. She instructs him to walk toward her and talk about all the things he likes about the two of them. Adam protests, "Jane, I…" Joan: "That's good, but with more feeling." How can she be so oblivious to his incredibly obvious distaste for this whole enterprise? He looks peeved now: "I can't do this. This is totally fake." Joan concedes, and says she knows it's hard to be all poetic. She suggests action instead. She grabs him by the arm and pulls him toward the door: "I want you to just come running into the room, uh…talking about how much you miss me, and then we'll kiss." Adam stands there looking helpless for a moment, but instead of running away, he tries to comply. She tells him to run in on her signal. He objects: "But I -- I don't usually run to you." She pleads with him to cooperate: "Look, just run in. You don't even have to say anything. Come kiss the camera like you're gonna kiss me. Ready?" Good lord. Adam runs in feebly and then stops short in front of the camera. He hesitates for a moment before saying he doesn't want to be in the movie: "Can we just leave it at that, please?" Joan: "Adam, how am I supposed to document the world if you're not in it?" He replies, "Is this really how you see the world? Like we're some fake couple?" Joan says it's just a video. Adam's mad: "No, it's not! It's not! It's you, trying to force us to become something we're not!" Joan counters, "Hey, I wanted you to be real but you didn't want to do that either!" Adam: "You want real? I hate this! I hate it! Okay? I hate trying to pretend that we're some happy couple, when we're so stressed out that we're miserable even when we're together!" Adam clatters his art stuff around. Joan: "Wow. I should've kept the cameras rolling for that, huh?" Adam says this is making him crazy: "I can't do this. I gotta go to the design studio." He rushes out.
After the commercials, it's a different day, and Joan's complaining to Grace about Adam at school: "He freaked. I mean, what's that all about?" Grace brings her usual balanced viewpoint: "Relationships don't work. There's always someone who wants something the other person can't deliver." Joan says she's just making a stupid video. Grace: "Well, maybe he wants one minute where he's not being spied on. I mean, we're being watched all the time, Girardi. 1984 ring a bell?" Joan says she wasn't even born yet. I don't know whether to be more pissed at her for being ignorant or making me feel so bloody old. Grace is irritated: "The book. 'Big Brother is watching.' It's happened! I mean -- at ATMs, out on the street, in stores. And don't even get me started on Carnivore: big government computer the size of a football field that sifts through all of your phone conversations, all of your emails…and you wonder why some people want to be left alone?" Joan looks worried: "O-kay…you seem a little militant, even for a militant. Are you okay?" Grace: "More questions! See what I mean? End of the world!" She stalks off. Video Project God is leaning against a display case. Joan: "Speaking of Big Brother." She holds up the camera, telling him it was definitely one of her worst ideas. He comments, "You didn't like what you saw." Joan: "No! And it created even more stress." She tells him to take the camera: "Let them run a documentary where the lions eat the antelopes…because that would be the same as watching my life!" Oy. So much drama, so little common sense. Video Project God tells Joan, "You've gotta look below the surface. Sometimes what you see is just a mask for something much deeper. I mean, the Italian Neorealist filmmakers found truth by…" Joan: "Shhh! Save it, Ebert." He tells her to keep at it: "They want to use this for their fundraiser drive." Yeah, that should bring in the…Lincoln pennies. He leaves, and Judith prowls up behind Joan, taping her and narrating: "Lost in thought…Joan ponders her next move…" I guess we are to take it that Judith didn't/couldn't see God at all. I particularly don't think she would miss asking Joan about any guy she was talking to. Joan lifts her camera, and they circle around each other, taping. Joan: "To shoot Judith…as she records a life of chaos and confusion…" Judith, gleefully: "Where Joanith reigns supreme!" Adam interrupts to tell Judith he's got the mirrors: "You ready?" Joan says maybe she could help. Adam thought she had to see the counsellor again. Joan: "Well…can't you wait?" He says he's behind, and walks off. Judith tells Joan: "Chill! I'll take care of him." Yes, that's very reassuring. Joan looks anxious.