Joan of Arcadia
Queen Of The Zombies

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I See Undead People

As Joan and Adam (wearing a camo hoodie) emerge from a classroom arm-in-arm, she shows him the poster for the auditions. "For the Love of Zombies?" Joan says it's actually Zombies in Love: "The director keeps changing the title. Probably because he's mental." Adam reminds her they have midterms coming up, and wonders how she'll have time for this. Joan says her college counsellor is stoked because she'll have another extracurricular. Good golly. One thing this girl is not short on is extracurriculars. What she should work on is getting her grades out of the crapper. Adam says his extracurriculars suck, being nonexistent and all. Joan: "I think you'd make a cute zombie." Adam swings her hand and says semi-sarcastically, "Aw, go on." They agree to meet after rehearsal.

Will's on the sofa reading when Helen comes home. He's surprised to see her; he thought she had classes all day. Helen: "Well, they give us lunch. It's a new union rule." She thought he was going to a movie, but he said he wasn't in the mood. He tells her their lawyer called and the Bakers have a court date -- and it turns out they've got a tough judge, too. Helen finally notices the book Will put aside when she came in: "My catechism book?" Will looks sheepish: "I feel like I just got caught with porn." Hee! Helen smiles a sort of hopeful smile, prompting Will to say, "Don't, Helen. Don't read anything into this." Helen: "When you told me you were taking sick day, you never really said why." He said he told her they were going to expire. Helen knows that, but she obviously didn't buy it. He says he just had to get away: "'Cause my, um…job…has been, uh, ugly. But then here, we get hit with this lawsuit. So…I guess the truth is we can never get away from things, can we?" Helen doesn't know. Will: "I was just hoping for one moment when things make sense. Where people weren't cruel for no reason. Where they don't die for no reason. Just a moment of decency." Helen doesn't say anything, because really, what could she say? Will: "Yeah. Stupid, huh?" Helen gestures to offer the catechism book back, but he declines, saying there's a game on.

The cast is rehearsing. "I don't care, it's all the same / I just want to eat some brains!" Johnny Broadway, watching from the seats, groans and waves his hands, telling them to stop. He stands up and says, "Three words, people: Audience in five days." Friedman, of course, is on the verge of telling Johnny Broadway that it's four words, although it seemed like he had to count on his fingers to be sure, but Joan slaps her hand over his mouth saying, "Can it. I want to get out of here." Johnny Broadway gestures to the pianist, saying, "Carly Simon, from the top!" Johnny Broadway wants to hear it at the back of the room. The cast starts again and Johnny Broadway gyrates down the aisle backward, past where Adam is sitting and sketching while he waits for Joan. He looks at Johnny Broadway, taking in his exuberant physical gestures with a slightly puzzled look. Johnny Broadway is suddenly distracted by what Adam's sketching, which is a graveyard scene with lots of skulls in it and bodies climbing out of graves. Johnny Broadway's all excited, saying it's perfect for the finale: "Can you build it?" Adam: "You want me to, like, build a set by this weekend?" Johnny Broadway politely calls a halt to the rehearsal and asks Adam, "Why not?" Adam struggles with which of the fifty reasons why not to state first, as Johnny Broadway says, "Simple. Stylized. Inspired. You'll have the crew, and anything you need. Up to $300. Thank you. Carlissimo!" He walks off as Joan, who's been hanging about nearby, runs over, gleeful: "You're going to do the sets? That's so perfect!" In the background you see Johnny Broadway bolting toward Carl, telling him they need a song about the moon, and Carl trying to grab his stuff and get out of there. Adam protests that he doesn't know how to build a set. Joan: "Just use your hammer and stuff." Adam shrugs, overwhelmed by both the task and the fact that no one else seems to find it as such. Joan says it would be an extracurricular: "I so knew this play was about more than just me. It was so meant to be!" Adam, still looking doubtful, leans forward to kiss her. He sighs as he puts his hands behind his head: "Oh, man." Man, Amber Tamblyn's hair's gotten a lot redder. I like the colour a lot, but I think I like her hair best when it's a really rich brown with a bit of red in it. I'm thinking of maybe finally colouring my hair, in honour of my fortieth birthday next month. It seems like a good time to do something I've always been scared of, or something I've always wanted to do, or both. It's either that, or go parachuting. And if you don't think those are on a par, you have no idea how afraid I've been to colour my hair. I've never done it, even though I've always wanted to, and my hairstylist has been trying to talk me into it for ten years. She's even offered to do it for free herself, though she's not the salon's colourist. I dunno. I think I need God to come along and give me a pep talk about risk. Frankly, I'm leaning toward parachuting. Or maybe I should go swimming with dolphins. I would love to do that. Y'all can vote in the poll on this page and let me know what you think. Frankly, I'll be lucky if I just get my driver's license before I turn forty.

Kevin comes out of a courtroom at the courthouse and is surprised to run into Andy. Kevin says he's not talking to him. Andy says he's dropping the suit, and his parents are pissed, but without his cooperation, they've got no case, so it's over. He adds that he left home and is staying at the Y. Okay, but in Arcadia? Four hours from where he lived? Where he only knows the Girardis, presumably? Seems like an odd choice. Kevin doesn't believe him. He starts to wheel off as Andy says, "I was in the middle of my deposition, Kev, and I remembered." Kevin turns around. Andy: "When the car spun out…and I realized that, uh, I'm driving this one, too. Only this time I can stop it. So I am. I'm just stopping it." Kevin, looking extremely skeptical, comments, "That's beautiful. But see, I don't believe a word you're saying. And it's probably just another way to jack us for money. Just stay out of our lives, dude." He wheels off as Andy says, "Come on, Kev, you know me. You know I'm telling the truth, man." Kevin: "Not anymore."

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Joan of Arcadia

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