Why do the soundtrack music and voice-overs on these toilet cleaning product commercials sound like they're advertising monster truck rallies?
Dinner at the Girardis'. Will brings in a big plate of food and says he hopes everyone's hungry. As he pours some wine for Kevin, Joan remarks, "I love it when Dad's home. Maybe you should think about getting fired." Kevin: "Hey, what's with the vino on Wednesday night?" Joan: "Are we gonna become drunks now? That's so Osbournes." Helen says it's a celebration: "A little surprise." Will: "We are no longer being sued by Andy and his barely-human family." Joan and Luke exult while Kevin looks puzzled: "Wait, wait, are you sure about this?" As Will pours a thimbleful of wine for Joan and Luke, he tells Kevin that Kroner called, and the Bakers have signed a release. Joan regards her piddly ounce of wine, dismayed. Will: "Hey! How about a smile, Kev?" Kevin says it's great, but he's not doing a very good job of putting on the happy face. He takes off for the kitchen to get a glass of water. Joan snatches a gadget out of Luke's hands: "Luke! No text messaging at the table! That's twenty-first-century bad manners!" I figured he was sending the good news to Grace, but he says, "I'm in a bit of a situation." So I guess he's trying to mollify Grace. Or maybe Glynis has something particularly riveting to say about fractals. Joan: "Grace holding out on the sugar?" Because if there's one thing Grace is usually lavishing on people, it's sugar. Will wonders if they could have five minutes to celebrate the survival of their life savings. Joan: "I'm in." Kevin comes back and says he saw Andy today. Helen's surprised to find out he's in Arcadia. Kevin tells them what Andy said, and that he didn't believe him: "I guess he wants me to tell him everything's okay now." Will: "Almost ruining us? He wants a pass on that?" Kevin: "Don't worry, Dad. I told him to get lost." Helen wonders why Andy changed his mind. Will: "Are you feeling sorry for him now?" She says she's not, but that this seemed to come out of nowhere. Will just wants to be thankful that the whole mess is done with and enjoy the moment. Will proposes a toast, and everyone clinks glasses. Joan's toast is: "To drinking wine without getting grounded!" Luke's is: "To Joan being in a musical about zombies at school this weekend which you will videotape and use to humiliate her for the rest of her life." Kevin: "Yes! Humiliation." Helen: "Really?" Will: "A musical…what?" Luke whispers to Joan, "Should have let me text-message."
Adam and Joan are in his shed, looking at a miniature model of his set for the play. He thinks he might be getting in over his head. Joan: "Adam…you've been building things since you were teething. And you need to expand your portfolio. This is your chance." Adam thinks Johnny Broadway seems pretty much like "a loon." Joan: "Totally, but look at this, it's brilliant. I mean, how stoked are you to see this big, you know, with zombies walking all over it?" Adam thinks that would be pretty cool. He discusses how the headstones are going to light up, and demonstrates how they move and the graves open up like the dates on Advent calendars so the zombies can come out of them. He asks Joan to glue something together for him. She says, "You know, this is what it's gonna be like at college: us helping each other out." Spoken like someone who's clearly never been to college. She goes on, "We'll share a house with a group of very cool people, because of course, we'll be cool." Well, that part could well happen. But it'll be more like this: you'll share a [grotty, crowded, overpriced] house [in dire need of attention from the greedy, absentee landlord] [in a sketchy neighbourhood] with a group of very cool people [who also have no shortage of neuroses, hang-ups, personality disorders, disgusting habits, seriously weird family issues, alternately amazing and revolting taste in music/films/books, and crushes on/relationships/one-night stands with people you either can't stand or are secretly in love with yourself] because, of course, you'll be cool [as it's possible to be when you're homesick, overwhelmed, lonely, broke, hungry, and/or completely freaked out and confused]. Not that I would know anything about this. I'm just surmising. Adam's not really focused on Joan's college-daze dream: "Hey, what if the stage was blanketed in fog?" Joan thinks that's a good idea.