Joan of Arcadia
Queen Of The Zombies

Episode Report Card
Deborah: B+ | Grade It Now!
I See Undead People

Outside the auditorium, Grace is walking along looking at posters for the play in a display case. The play has been renamed for the final time: Zombies Arise! She looks around when she hears Luke's voice saying, "Joan in a zombie costume. Dreams can come true." Just like Carl's shirt promised. He's talking to Glynis, who says, "I wanted to be a zombie for Hallowe'en once. My mom made me go as the Little Mermaid." She gestures with her chin at Grace, who's come over to stand behind Luke. Grace: "Mm, typical. From the undead to an objectified corporate icon." Luke: "Grace." She says, "Correct." She hands a paper to Glynis: "Uh, did the formulas." Glynis primly attempts to make conversation, if by "make conversation" you mean someone busts out with this: "Did you ever participate in the commercialization of the former pagan ritual?" Grace: "Figliola, way to get radical." Luke looks back and forth between them: "What? Does this mean…?" Grace: "Don't push it, dude. It's an organic process." She walks away. Glynis: "Yeah. Dude." They all head for their seats. Frink: "Now he's thinking, 'Threesome!'"

Johnny Broadway calls everyone together backstage: "All right, kids. Circle the wagons! Circle the wagons!" Adam tells Joan her moon's ready. Joan: "Your set's really awesome!" It seems like they want to kiss, but Joan's wearing too much carefully applied makeup to risk messing it up, so they just rub noses instead, which is…weird. Sorta cute, but more weird. Johnny Broadway keeps yelling at them to circle the wagons. I don't think that's really the cliché he's looking for, but whatever. Once he's got their attention, he lapses into one-word sentences: "Okay. Trust. Spontaneity. Love. Vo o-o-o-l-u-u-u-u-ume…! What else is there?" He raises his hands: "Carpe show-em!" The cast members all raise their hands and echo his cry.

Will and Helen take their seats as Will admonishes his wife, "Remember, it's just a school play. No crying." Helen: "It was one time. And she was dressed like a daisy. I couldn't help it." Elsewhere, Luke is sitting between Glynis and Grace and wielding the video camera. The curtain rises, and Elizabeth and the guy playing the prom king push open the doors of a large funky coffin-shaped doorway and begin singing a song about their impending graduation and promising to love each other. One of the trees falls over, and the audience laughs while Adam puts it back into place.

Backstage, Johnny Broadway's exhorting a couple of zombies to get onstage. Joan's quietly rehearsing her song to herself when suddenly she's startled by a pair of booted feet dangling above her head; it's Friedman, suspended from some kind of harness. He directs the guy working the pulley to move him up, not down, but instead he goes flying onto the stage and crashes into Elizabeth, who's singing away in her duet with the prom king. The audience starts laughing. Furious, Elizabeth pushes Friedman hard. Will tells Helen, "Maybe I'll cry this time." Someone offscreen -- I think it's Johnny Broadway -- hisses: "Get off the stage!" Friedman announces, "I'm looking for my unit!" Which, of course, gets big laughs at my house, because we're nine. Friedman looks to his right and says, "There they are. I found them." He runs off.

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Joan of Arcadia




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