Maria is actively labouring now and Dick, who by my estimate has had his arms cuffed behind his back for something like eight or nine hours now, seems to have been promoted to breathing coach. As far as I can tell he was arrested in mid- to late morning, and it's after 7:00 PM now. Toni says, "So Wayne, do your kids know that Daddy's a criminal?" Yeah, that seems like appropriate midwifery chatter. And "Wayne?" Too late. I'm sticking with Dick. Will watches fretfully in the back corner of the elevator as Dick says, "I'd like to talk to my lawyer before I answer that. Just keep breathing with me!" Maria moans and pushes; Toni tells her to try to hold off pushing: "We're going to be out of here soon!" Yeah, that works. Dick says her contractions are two minutes apart and the baby's dropped: "The lady has to push!" Will: "Oh, God, she's pushing." Dick tells Will to take off his shoelace, because he's going to have to use it to tie off the umbilical cord. Will seems slightly woozy: "Ooh " Toni barks, "Will, the shoelace!" Dick says, "All right, here we go! Ho-ho, I see the head! Houston, we have crowning!" Uh, maybe someone not in handcuffs would like to catch this baby? Dick tells Will to get ready because he's going to do it. Will's a complete dork about it and says he thinks Dick should do it. Dick: "I'm in handcuffs." I'm impressed that he refrains from adding, "Jackass." Because I would have, service revolver or no. Toni: "Catch the baby, Will!" Maria howls and pushes really hard, and Will somehow gets it together and helps the baby out with Dick's guidance. We see Will lift a reasonably convincing neonate from between Maria's legs, which doesn't look like the usual three-month-old Special Effects 101 TV newborn. Well done. Will: "Holy mother of God. It's a girl! Look at her." Toni laughs and smiles. Dick says she's beautiful. Maria suddenly says, "I don't want to see it." Will, surprised: "This is your baby!" Maria says through half-gritted teeth, "Take it away, I don't want it!" She cries. The other three look at each other, confused, as the baby cries.
Joan of Arcadia
Episode Report CardDeborah: B | 276 USERS: C+
YOU GRADE IT
Joan of Arcadia