This time, she and Adam are at some big opening of one of his art shows. She's wearing a red sheath with thin straps, and has her hair pulled back and worn long. She swans over to Adam, who's wearing a suit, saying, "Darling, everything is lovely." She kisses him on the cheek as he tells her he's sold twelve paintings already. Joan: "I knew you would." Suddenly a waiter comes up offering chicken wings, mini-pizzas, or "awesome chimichangas." It's Stevie. Since when do swanky art galleries serve this kind of soccer mom fare? As if. There's the sound of a car screeching to a halt as Joan notices Stevie's beaming face. Joan: "Hold on. Not her." Adam: "Jane…" Joan: "This is my fantasy! She's not in it!" Stevie: "I'm just trying to help, Ads!" Adam says, "You heard my wife," as Joan wiggles her ring finger at Stevie. Stevie vamooses. Adam asks, "More champagne, sweetie?" Joan: "Oh, if it's free." He takes off to get it, while Joan prowls around and "makes" Stevie trip and her tray go flying. Frink: "They should have had her twinkle her nose like in Bewitched when she did that." Joan smiles as Stevie looks up with food on her face. Behind her, she's handed a glass of champagne with the comment, "Here you are, my love." When she looks around, it's Roger handing it to her. He asks, "Surprised?"
She comes out of the daydream when Grace hits her in the head with a piece of paper. She hisses at Grace, "What is it?" Grace gestures to the hallway, where Adam and Stevie are yakking about something. Joan tells Mrs. Gross she needs a hall pass. The teacher points out they're in the middle of a test. Joan insists she has to go: "It's a medical condition." Since when do people get to leave during a test?
But Joan's in the hallway with her pass within moments, running around looking for Adam and Stevie. She runs into a hall monitor, who asks for her pass. She shows it, asking if he's seen a guy in a knitted cap go by with a disgustingly cute girl. The hall monitor, a dweebish type, says, "Every day. That's the whole school." Joan: "No, they were different." She takes off as he says, "You seem lost, Joan." Frink: "Everyone hates this God." She comes running back. "I'm not lost, God. It's just that while I'm working on this bogus extra credit thing, my boyfriend is starring in Who Wants A Perky Blonde Assistant?" I'll bet that's a reality show on Fox next year. Hall Monitor God asks if Joan's threatened by Stevie. Joan claims she's not. Hall Monitor God: "No? Is that why you made her fall into a plate of chicken wings?" Joan says she told him to stay out of her daydreams: "Is it so wrong to imagine stuff?" Hall Monitor God: "No, it's not wrong…" Joan argues that if Byron hadn't let his mind wander, we wouldn't have his fabulous poetry, "which is actually really boring, except for the one Roger read to me…wow." Hall Monitor God: "Roger looks good in a tux." Except Roger wasn't wearing a tux in the daydream; he was wearing a regular suit. Joan: "Again with the spying." Hall Monitor God: "Dreams influence and accentuate life, but they don't define it." Joan complains that he was the one who told her to study Romantic poetry. Hall Monitor God: "Study it, yes, so you could understand it, differentiate it." Joan asks if she's losing Adam. Hall Monitor God: "People don't really belong to each other, Joan, regardless of what contract they sign. They choose each other every day. But if you're worried, why not just ask him? Run along, you haven't finished the test." Why do I get the feeling he's not talking about the one in English class?
Lily's in the Girardi kitchen, rummaging for food and telling Helen she takes it that Helen's not reconsidering the Church. I'll bet she's wondering if Helen's going to call her on the carpet about her date with Kevin. Helen says she hasn't slammed the door on confirmation, but she misses talking to Lily: "I consider you a friend." She continues, looking out the window over the sink: "I really don't know how to say this…" Lily -- who's wearing a very Joan-esque scarf wound around her neck -- winces and dives in: "Look, he asked me. And nothing happened. In fact, I walked out on him because he's still hung up on his ex." Helen doesn't know what Lily's talking about. Lily asks Helen what she's talking about. They answer the questions at the same time, Helen saying she's concerned about Will and Lucyfer and Lily spilling the beans about her date. Helen: "What?" Lily: "Are you kidding?" Helen: "Wait. You definitely first." Lily reiterates everything, adding that Kevin was rude, and it's a non-issue, concluding with, "Will's having an affair with his boss?" Helen: "Oh, I don't know, I…maybe I'm imagining things…he was rude?" Hee. Lily says Helen's story trumps hers. Helen thinks she's jumping to conclusions, but she's sure something is going on: "I met her, and I just had this feeling that she was --" Lily chortles: "Evil?" Helen's uncomfortable: "I don't really use that word." Lily, ransacking the fridge: "Well, you mi-i-i-ight want to think about starting, 'cause it's out there." Helen: "Well, evil's all ugly and fire-breathing. She isn't that way." Mmm. You don't know her like Will knows her, obviously. Lily: "Are you kidding? Evil is charming and beautiful. It makes you doubt yourself. It asks for one small compromise after another until it whittles you down. And it functions best when no one believes in it." Helen wonders how she's supposed to fight her. Lily: "Talk to Will." Helen says she can't: "He thinks she's great, and that I'm just being paranoid…which is…probably true." Lily: "Really." Helen avoids Lily's skeptical look. Lily: "Yeah, no, I'm sure you are not intuitive. You're just a woman, and an artist." Don't forget "mother."