Back at Arcadia High, Joan's tied to Price (ew) and they're holding out their spoons with eggs in them. Someone fires the starting gun and Price advises Joan, "Keep the upper body still." Joan says she doesn't think she can do this. Price: "Everybody feels like this the first time." Joan's having trouble keeping her body upright, never mind keeping her upper body still. She says she's going to fall down; Price insists she's not. Next to Price is a girl in a neck brace; is she the same one from early in the season? I leave it to someone less lazy to figure out. The Troublemint Twins are next to her in the race, saying, "I thought I told you to go to the doctor." Joan looks horrified. Joan: "Then you told me not to!" God Squared replies, "No, I didn't." Joan insists otherwise: "Yes! Yes! You were the mascot! And then you told me to join the race!" Price asks, "Joan! Joan! Who are you talking to?" He turns to face her, and his eyes suddenly morph into green CGI demonic cat eyes. He grins. Joan is really losing it. She freaks out, gasping, "Are you the devil?" She turns to the Troublemint Twins and demands, "Is he the devil? I mean, I always knew he was bad, but " The twins tell her, "Learn to see in the dark." The world goes all wobbly and slo-mo as Joan starts to faint; she sees the concerned faces of her brother, Grace, and Adam, and we see a closeup of her egg falling from her spoon and smashing on the grass. Joan's eyes roll back in her head and there are goofy sound effects -- a mixture of her heavy breathing and standard horror-movie record-being-played-backward stuff -- as she falls to the ground with a soft thud. Wait -- where's Price? Shouldn't she be taking him down with her?
After the commercials, Joan wakes up to find a face over her, haloed by a large light behind his head. He's holding up a small flashlight and saying, "Follow the light, Joan." Hey, I know that voice -- it's Doctor God. (I think that's what I called him. There are so many Gods now, I need a spreadsheet to keep track of what I called them and where they appeared. I think I'll spend my summer putting that together. Not. If there's anyone out there with no life to speak of who wants to take on the project, though, and send it to me, it'll get you props in a Season Two recap.) Joan mumbles, "I don't wanna die I haven't had sex or my own apartment or anything. I wanted to try veganism. I had plans " Hee. Doctor God says, "Joan stay with me here let's go to the light it's a whole other thing." Joan sits up in a panic and asks, "What's going on?" She finds herself tethered to monitors of various sorts as Doctor God explains she's in the hospital: "The doctor will see you, then you'll know what's wrong." She looks at him and asks, "Why are you acting so mysterious all of a sudden?" "All of a sudden"? He says, "I've always been mysterious. Without it, there is no faith and we love faith." Joan, confused: "Who's Faith?" Doctor God: "Lie down. You're feverish." Joan complies as he leaves.