Joan of Arcadia

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Deborah: A | Grade It Now!
of her brother, Grace, and Adam, and we see a closeup of her egg falling from her spoon and smashing on the grass. Joan's eyes roll back in her head and there are goofy sound effects -- a mixture of her heavy breathing and standard horror-movie record-being-played-backward stuff -- as she falls to the ground with a soft thud. Wait -- where's Price? Shouldn't she be taking him down with her?

After the commercials, Joan wakes up to find a face over her, haloed by a large light behind his head. He's holding up a small flashlight and saying, "Follow the light, Joan." Hey, I know that voice -- it's Doctor God. (I think that's what I called him. There are so many Gods now, I need a spreadsheet to keep track of what I called them and where they appeared. I think I'll spend my summer putting that together. Not. If there's anyone out there with no life to speak of who wants to take on the project, though, and send it to me, it'll get you props in a Season Two recap.) Joan mumbles, "I don't wanna die…I haven't had sex or my own apartment or anything. I wanted to try veganism. I had plans…" Hee. Doctor God says, "Joan…stay with me here…let's go to the light…it's a whole other thing." Joan sits up in a panic and asks, "What's going on?" She finds herself tethered to monitors of various sorts as Doctor God explains she's in the hospital: "The doctor will see you, then you'll know what's wrong." She looks at him and asks, "Why are you acting so mysterious all of a sudden?" "All of a sudden"? He says, "I've always been mysterious. Without it, there is no faith…and we love faith." Joan, confused: "Who's Faith?" Doctor God: "Lie down. You're feverish." Joan complies as he leaves.

Out in the waiting area, Kevin is griping about the fact that he can't get his mother on the phone. Luke says she turns it off in class and forgets to turn it back on. Grace is sitting next to Luke. Adam's next to her, with his hand up to his face. Kevin complains, "Women and technology. What is that?" Grace: "It's too early to resort to pack-animal behaviour, dude." I do hope she'll let us know when the proper time arrives. Kevin grouses that their father's a cop, and they can't reach him, either. He wheels off. Adam says to Grace, "She thinks I'm going to dump her." Luke: "Very classy move, dude." Adam leans forward to look at Luke: "What?" Luke: "Friedman explained it. Oh, yeah: post-copulatory discard." Sars: "Shut it, Friedman." I think it's safe to say that no good can ever come of listening to Friedman -- especially about sex. He stands up: "That's my sister." Adam stands up, ready to…fight? I can't really imagine either of these two mixing it up. Adam didn't exactly give Ramsay a run for his money when the bully was beating the crap out of him. Grace unfolds her crossed legs dramatically, one leg flying up in the air quickly as she stands up and says, "Primates! We are here for Joan. A little restraint." Luke and Adam glare at each other a bit and then everyone sits down again. After a pause, Luke asks, "So, are you dumping her?" Grace: "Leave it!" Adam: "No! Okay, that's insane. Why would I ever?" Aw. Luke: "Because you were…you had…" Adam: "We didn't 'have,' okay? Not that it's any of your business." Kevin's behind their row of seats suddenly, saying, "Voice mail!" He leaves a message for his father, telling him Joan's at "the hospital," sick, and he should call back. Couldn't someone at the police station find Will, wherever he is, and get an urgent message to him? Also, it would seem that the bustling metropolis of Arcadia would have more than one hospital. Grace asks, "Should we send for a priest? How do -- how do you people do it?" No one answers her. I'll just bet Father Mallory would love to be called in to deal with this bunch. He'd probably leave the church and disappear on a fishing boat forever.

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Joan of Arcadia




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