Joan of Arcadia

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Deborah: A | Grade It Now!

We cut back to the church, where Helen is lighting candles among the table full of votives. I think she lights at least three -- maybe one for each child. Suddenly a draft blows through the church, extinguishing a few of the candles, and Helen says to herself, "Joan." She sets down the match and runs out, as the camera rests on three candles to the left of a cross, one of which is no longer burning.

Will walks through the hospital, not far from the area where his sons and Adam and Grace are sitting. But they don't see each other. Kevin pulls out his phone again. Don't most hospitals keep you from using your cell phones inside these days? Whatever.

We cut to Ruth Washington, sitting up in a hospital bed, shoveling green Jell-O into her cakehole like it was any other day. She tells Will, who's standing at her bedside, "My mother always said I was too mean to die. I guess she wasn't far off." Will says he was there when she was shot: "You had no heartbeat. I saw you…leave." Ruth wants to discuss other stuff: "Let's clear up this Walter business. 'Cause that girl Denise is crazy. She's attacked him with a butcher knife a dozen times. He never calls the police. Says he loves her." Will says Walter will get his day in court and have a chance to explain. Ruth says they won't look for the scars. Will: "What scars?" Ruth: "Check his arms, his chest. Knife cuts -- they'll be there. She does it every time." She adds, "I'd feel better if you wrote this down." He says he'll remember. He asks, "So…was there a…tunnel, and a light, and all that?" Ruth: "Are you asking me if I saw God? You don't have to die to do that." She eats some more Jell-O. Will looks troubled by this remark.

Joan stirs from sleep in her hospital room to find Little Girl God perched on her bed, googly-eye antennae and all. She asks, "Feeling better, Joan?" Joan squints and touches her head, saying, "I feel like I got hit by a Hummer." From the TV, Newscaster God informs her, "That's an appropriate analogy, Joan." Joan looks at the TV, puzzled. Little Girl God: "Drink some water." Mrs. LandingGod suddenly brings her a cup of ice water, saying, "Here you go, dear." Joan is puzzled by the presence of all these manifestations of God: "How can you all be here?" No one explains, but Mrs. LandingGod pulls back the curtain to reveal Smoove G sitting at a chess board. He says, "Life's a paradox. It's about holding two opposing in your head, such as: 'It's only a game.' But: 'It's the only game.'" Joan: "Save it, Lord of the Rings. What's wrong with me?" (Wouldn't "Lord of the Kings" have been funnier?) Newscaster God: "You're experiencing a fluctuation in the market." Little Girl God: "You're having a crisis of faith." We can see Goth God over by the window now; he contributes, "A dark night of the soul." Mrs. LandingGod: "Plus, you're very dehydrated." Frink: "It's the God Squad." No kidding. But where's God Marley? He was one of my favourites. Mrs. LandingGod pours more water as Joan moans, "I am so not signed up for this. How -- how can you all be here at once?" Goth God asks, "How could we have ever been here, Joan? Maybe that's the question." Joan: Are you saying that I imagined you?" Mrs. LandingGod says she's always had a great imagination. Joan: "Is -- is -- is that what's happening to me? Am I sick? Is that it?" All the Gods stare at her but say nothing. Joan: "Tell me!" Still nothing. "Why aren't you saying anything anymore?"

Will's waiting at an elevator -- the kind with doors on both sides that open at once -- when Helen, facing the other direction, gets off on the other side. Will walks into the elevator, while Helen stops, and turns, trying to figure out which way to go. They both see each other at the same time, and become alarmed. Will walks through the elevator and walks toward his wife. She asks, "What is it?" Will doesn't know. Helen: "Why are you here?" Will: "Why are you?" She says she had a feeling. He asks her what kind. Suddenly Kevin calls out to them: "Mom! Dad. Where the hell have you been? I've been calling." Helen says as Luke walks over, "It's Joan, isn't it?" Luke says the doctor has the labs.

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Joan of Arcadia




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