Joan of Arcadia
Something Wicked This Way Comes

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admin: A | 3 USERS: A+
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"But What's Puzzling You / Is The Nature Of My Game"

Props to last minute, Elizajoey, dazzy, shadowcrawler and StKatherine for assistance with technical matters. Props to Professor Frink for making me laugh even when this show didn't, and for putting up with another year of Friday nights at home. Please, CBS, move this thing to Sunday.

Joan's asleep in her bed, tossing and turning. She suddenly sits up and turns on the light; someone's in her room. It's Judith, sitting there with her feet up and headphones on, flipping through a copy of In Touch. Joan: "Judith?" But she can't hear Joan over whatever she's listening to. Joan moves a little closer and says her name more firmly. Judith takes off her headphones, commenting, "Man, you're a deep sleeper! I thought you'd never wake up." I think they missed a "you sleep like the dead" joke in here. Joan wearily mumbles, "I've had this dream before," and heads back to bed. Judith says she doesn't have much time and to listen up. Joan turns off the light: "How do you not have much time? You're dead." Judith: "Whatever. That's your perspective." She continues reading the magazine in the dark. Joan turns the light back on: "You're not dead?" Judith stands up and says, "Turns out, all that stuff Lischak was talking about is true." Judith's wearing a white prairie skirt and a tight white peasant blouse with tiny cap sleeves, accessorized with a long, thin red scarf, opaque white tights and short red cowboy-ish boots. It's not the…most flattering outfit she could wear. Which makes me wonder: is there fashion in the afterlife? Or are you stuck wearing what you died/were buried in, or at the very least, the fashions contemporaneous to your demise? Imagine spending eternity in double-knit polyester Sansabelt slacks. Or earth shoes. Or culottes. Or one of those ruffled Elizabethan collars -- I think they're called fraises. Or, God help you, a dickie. I'm warning you, Friedman. And speaking of post-mortem appearances…it appears Judith's going to be wearing her embalming makeup until Judgment Day. There are Kabuki actors watching this who are like, "Girl, ease up on the white pancake and the red lipstick."

Anyway, Judith continues, "You know: relativity, string theory, different dimensions…the human eye can only see a fragment of the electromagnetic spectrum. But that's not the point: you're about to be tested, so you need to get ready." Joan asks if she's talking about finals, and rambles about how she's bad with tests. That's our JoJo: though she communes with the Almighty, the Divine, the Lord of All the Worlds, she's painfully literal to the bitter end. Judith: "Here's what you need to remember: it's all true, and you're not alone." Joan rambles on about what skills she'll need for this test, wondering, "Are superpowers required? Because I don't have any." Judith: "Of course you do." Joan: "I knew it. God's behind this, isn't he?" Judith assures her he's behind everything. She sits on Joan's bed for a minute: "By the way: Adam and Cruella? That was so wrong." Joan's apparently not too sensitive about it at this point, because she just kind of rolls her eyes and asks, "Yeah. Can you believe it?" Judith says it's good she forgave Adam. Joan points out that he did almost freeze to death. They kind of chuckle over that. Judith says she likes Joan's hair. Joan: "Yeah? I want to cut it." Oh, dear. All this show needs, if it manages to nab a third season, is a Keri Russell-esque ruckus over Amber Tamblyn's hair. Don't cut too much. I'm just saying. Judith: "No way. It's hot!" Joan looks at Judith wistfully and finally says, "I really miss you." Judith: "I didn't go anywhere. I'm just hard to see sometimes." Joan: "But you're okay?" Judith nods, adding, "Be strong, JoJo." As she gets ready to leave, she tells Joan with a smirk, "Watch this." She strides in an exaggerated way toward the door, arms swinging, and then just as she reaches the door, twirls through it as if it weren't there, accompanied by CGI flashes and sound effects that Frink pronounces "very Star Trek." Joan looks surprised, and then Judith sticks her head back through the door, with CGI rays of light emanating all around her: "Cool, huh?" Joan smiles to herself as Judith disappears again. She turns off the light, and thinks for a moment. "Yeah, like I can go to sleep now." She puts the pillow over her face.

In the kitchen, Helen pours some hot water from her shiny chrome yellow kettle into her shiny chrome yellow mug. She turns toward the dining room to find Judith standing in the doorway. Judith smiles at her beneficently. Helen is mildly startled: "Judith?" Judith doesn't say anything, but just walks through the kitchen table lengthwise, and then through the desk and the wall, accompanied by the aforementioned sound and visual effects. Me: "Uh-huh." Professor Frink: "If you were undead, wouldn't you do that?" Me: "If I were undead, I'd go around smiting everybody who ever pissed me off, and I'd need eternity just to make a dent in the list." Helen walks over to the window and looks outside, completely unsure of what she just saw. And…theme song.

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Joan of Arcadia

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