Suddenly we're in Father Ken's office with Helen and…Will? Yup. Will starts by saying, "I just have to get it off my chest that I don't want to be here. I'm not a big fan of therapists or priests. I'm doing this to make my wife happy." Father Ken says politely, "Your candour is appreciated." Will: "I have more where that came from." Ha! Best line in the show. Helen reproaches him. "But I'll keep it to myself." Aw…where's the fun in that? Helen launches into her various problems, which aren't just to do with Kevin leaving; she also cites the lawsuit and Lucyfer, and says she thinks she's still angry about all that. Will: "And then, the empty nest thing." She snaps, "It's not an empty nest thing! My nest is not empty, so stop saying that." Man. I've had about all I can take of Helen in this episode. I love Mary Steenburgen, but I have to assume the director is getting her to be this shrill, because she's not normally like this. ["Or it's more conveniently out-of-character writing. Wouldn't be the first time this season. Or even the fifth time." -- Sars] Helen looks at Father Ken: "It can't be that simple." Father Ken: "I think it is." Will: "Listen to the priest, honey." Hee. She glares at Will, who clams up. She blathers to Father Ken about how she didn't do Kevin's laundry and was mean to him and undermined him. Father Ken: "You tried to keep him home. Safe. Like a child." Helen: "But how horrible is that?" About as horrible as your expression is right now. Father Ken says it's just a thing that happens to a lot of people: "You'd be able to see that more clearly if Kevin's situation weren't complicated. You're going to go through some things with him that are unrelated to his condition. This is one of them." She turns to Will: "Is he saying I'm normal?" Will nods reluctantly. Helen gripes, "I hate that." Will nods: "I know." She looks back at the priest, and sighs: "I was gonna be so evolved. I was gonna be thrilled to see my children happy and independent, ready to take on the world, especially Kevin…and…to realize I don't want that…" Will: "You do want that; you just don't like it." She sighs again: "And then after he leaves…Joan is gonna leave, and then, then Luke is gonna leave…" She's all sniffly, and Will puts his arm around her, suggesting they take them one at a time. Father Ken smiles at them, secure in the knowledge that a life of celibacy was the right choice.
PMJS is packing up his office. He grabs a bunch of For Dummies books (Counselling for Dummies, Older Women for Dummies, Living with Your Mom for Dummies) and puts them in a box. Joan comes in to find out what's going on. She asks if he was fired. He says he resigned: "Chelsea recanted but I resigned anyway." Joan: "Why?" He replies: "I shouldn't be here. You showed me that." Joan says that's not what she meant to show him. PMJS: "Underachieving, acting like a child, my life going nowhere…and the thing is, I never would have had the courage to face that, if this horrible thing hadn't happened, so, you know what? Thank you, for helping make it horrible." She asks what he's going to do now. He doesn't know: "Hit the road, follow my bliss…all that Joseph Campbell stuff. The truth is, I was afraid to try to be great, so I settled for mediocre. But once you hit rock bottom, you lose your fear, and it's fantastic." And then, with any luck, you figure out what colour your parachute is, and you stop talking in clichés. Joan: "What about your mother?" He says he's moving out. Joan wonders how she's taking it. PMJS: "She'll get over it…when I tell her. I'm telling her tonight." Suddenly Lischak comes in the door, asking, "Is it true?" He stands up: "Elaine?" She says, "Just tell me if it's true." He asks, "Which part?" Lischak: "You're quitting? Going on the road? Throwing off the shackles?" He assures her, "Shackle-free." Something about these two makes me doubt the complete absence of shackles, if you know what I'm saying. Lischak: "Leaving your mom?" PMJS: "Telling her tonight." Joan keeps looking increasingly uncomfortable. Lischak: "Haircut?" PMJS: "Nope." She gives him a look. He relents: "A little." She stares at him seductively and tells Joan, "You're excused, Girardi." Joan vamooses as Lischak throws off her lab coat and, giggling, throws herself at PMJS, who flashes her a great big grin as he grabs her. Lose the wonky sitcom music and sound effects, please.