Props to both drdot and angleman for sending me supplemental materials for this show over the summer -- I forgot to thank them last week.
Joan is arguing with her father about wearing makeup. He's pacing anxiously around the house, distracted. Joan insists she's old enough to decide how much makeup is too much makeup. There's a skill your average makeup-wearing teenage girl has not mastered. Dad snipes, "The only way to prove that to me is be wearing too little." She retorts that yesterday he told her to wear less, when she wasn't wearing any. Look at that staircase! Man, I love their house. Dad says, "The point is, you don't need it." Joan: "The point is, you're not a guy my age." Also a group known for its good aesthetic judgment. Not to mention: that doesn't seem like the sort of argument that would move your average father. As Dad paces back to the kitchen, he passes the television and asks her to turn it off. She's about to do so when the blond announcer guy says, "Wait, Joan, don't touch that dial." This kinda freaked me out because I didn't think God would appear to Joan in ways that screw with other people's reality. Like, obviously other viewers aren't seeing this guy talking to Joan. Is it some break in the time-space continuum? Or maybe there isn't really a newscast at all, and the whole thing is just God setting up another opportunity to talk to Joan. It's probably not a newscaster she recognizes; otherwise she'd be all confused by how God is inhabiting the body of someone she's encountered before (like Walter Cronkite). Wouldn't she? I don't know. All I know is, my head shouldn't hurt this much two minutes into an episode. I save that for The West Wing now. Newscaster God tells her that he's the King of Kings, the Almighty. Joan seems good and freaked. Newscaster God continues in his news-delivering voice: "I know, you thought we were done after the last time we spoke. You hoped it was an isolated instance of mental breakdown and that your life would just return to normal." Joan bitches, "Yeah, well, I'm talking to the television, so normal works for me." Dad sticks his head back in and snaps the TV off just as Newscaster God's about to begin conveying a message. Joan's all, "Oh, my God! What did you do?" Dad walks off saying, "Yeah, it's a crime against God to turn off the television." Joan whispers "sorry" to the TV as she follows her dad into the kitchen.
He checks his watch and wonders where "they" are. Luke is nuking some food and rambling about microwaves and how they work. Joan turns on the TV on the kitchen counter, trying to find GBS or GBC or whatever God's network is called. She whispers to the TV and taps the screen, trying to find the right channel, as Luke bores his father, who isn't listening anyway. He stalks around the kitchen, wondering why Kevin's driving test is taking so long. He turns off the TV Joan's watching, and she admonishes him, "Dad! Quit being so nervous." He replies, "I wasn't nervous the first time Kevin got his license. Why would I be nervous this time?" Luke, unused to being paid any attention, mutters, "Because the last time he got his license, he ended up a paraplegic." Yikes. Joan gives Luke an incredulous look. Dad asks what he said. Luke: "I'm -- I'm sorry...were you listening?" A horn honks, and Dad goes to see if it's them. Luke exhales, and Joan goes back to the TV. Helen and Kevin come in, as Kevin says, "Do not buy me a car." He passed his test with a perfect score. Kevin announces: "King of the gimp drivers! I want to buy my own car." His mother asks if he has any idea how much that would cost. He says he'll get a job. Helen asks how, when he has no transportation. Luke interjects a remark about the classic chicken-and-egg paradox. Joan gives up and turns the TV off. Helen adds that a lot of jobs require you to have your own car. Kevin points out he's not planning to be a pizza delivery guy. Joan says she's going to her room to watch TV. Kevin complains about the fact that his mother's not satisfied that he got his hand control license: "It's not enough for one day?" He wheels out. Helen looks at Will and asks, "Why can't you help?" Will: "Help...what? What are we fighting about?" The microwave bell dings and Luke announces, to the empty room, "Dinner is served."
Not loving the re-recorded version of the opening song. I think they could have used the original.