Chewy's at the cop shop snarfing a piece from a huge blue ice cream cake. Honestly, Arcadia's a big town. Isn't there a program somewhere for compulsive eaters he could get into? Will wonders if the Good Humour man was robbed. Chewy says he got it for his nephew's birthday, forgetting that his nephew was lactose-intolerant. And if you buy that "forgetting" excuse, you might just buy a whole lot of other things in this season, too. Will talks about how all the evidence in the case adds up, except for the perp himself. He eventually rags on Chewy, asking him to stop eating. Chewy: "Sorry. Was I eating?" Are you ever not? Will wants to send the evidence back to the lab for another go-round.
Joan begins his questioning with Mrs. Giant, played by…Glynis. Ha! (Aside to Velcrometer fans: Trash will be so honoured.) Joan asks Glynis to tell her what happened when Jack came to her house. Glynis worries a Kleenex as she relates, "I let him in. He said he was hungry, so I gave him breakfast: eggs, bacon, toast, some juice." Joan: "Big meal. Then what happened?" Glynis: "After my husband came home and went to take his nap, Jack grabbed our golden goose and ran out of the house. My husband chased after him. He loved that goose! He just wanted it back." Glynis gasps and puts her face into her Kleenex.
Grace's turn. She paces around, declaring, "This is about more than a pet goose. This is about oppression. History has shown that the rapacious ruling class will always exploit the poor, unless someone rises up…" Joan objects: "She's making a speech, right?" The judge sustains her objection: "Get off the soapbox and ask a question, Counsellor." Grace: "When Mr. Giant came home, what did you ask Jack to do?" Glynis: "I…I told him to hide in the cupboard!" Grace asks why. Glynis: "My husband was a jealous man. He had a temper!" She covers her mouth with her hands. Grace: "So you were afraid that he would kill Jack, if he saw him." Grace struts back to her table, satisfied. Judge Claymore: "Rebuttal, Ms. Girardi?" Joan says she just has one thing: "Mrs. Giant, you said your husband was napping when Jack snuck out of the cupboard. So when did Mr. Giant wake up?" Glynis: "When Jack was running out with our golden goose. It squawked!" Glynis makes a funny but not especially anserine noise, eliciting titters from the audience. Joan: "So, if Jack hadn't stolen the goose, he would have escaped without ever waking up Mr. Giant, and none of us would be here today…is that correct?" Grace objects: "Leading the witness." The judge overrules her and orders Glynis to answer the question, which she does: "Absolutely. Yes." Joan turns and gives Grace a superior look.
Out in the hallway during the break, the misfit posse wanders up to a refreshment table. Hey! There's Liz, the poster from my site, walking past the table and down the hall, in the tan coat. She's also sitting behind Grace in the courtroom scenes, but you can barely see her there. She's cute, huh? No, I don't know if she's available. Joan says, "Nice job, Counsellor, but wait until my cross-examination. You're toast, Bean Boy." Adam: "I don't know. Grace is on fire." Grace declares, "The law is such a joke. You can manipulate it however you want. Well, I can." Joan: "There are still absolutes. There's such a thing as innocence and guilt." Grace: "Says who?" Joan: "Says…very important people." Bonnie suddenly comes down the hall and says to Adam in a pretty annoyed way, "Can we talk?" Adam replies, "I'm kinda busy." Grace has a panicky look in her eyes. Joan, oblivious, says, "Hi, Bonnie." Bonnie just completely ignores Joan and takes a step closer to Adam. Joan: "Are you okay?" Bonnie snipes, "You can give me two minutes. I think I deserve that." Adam gives her the coldest look he's probably capable of. She stares back at him with hurt in her eyes. Joan looks at Adam, and then back at Bonnie: "What's going on?" Nobody says anything. Frink: "Don't tell me she's pregnant." I look at him, aghast, because that never even occurred to me. I figured she was just screwing him over as payback. Or maybe she wants to talk about where their relationship is going. But the mention of pregnancy makes me think of STDs, and…oh, good lord. Adam looks down at the table, Grace tries to make her expression neutral when Joan glances at her, and eventually Bonnie just leaves. Joan stares at Grace for a while, obviously gleaning more than she wants to from her brief glimpse of Grace's expression. In fact, I think it's Grace's obvious discomfort that makes Joan really suspicious. Adam might have gotten away with it -- for the moment -- if Grace hadn't been there complicating things. Joan asks Adam, "What was that all about?" Adam: "Nothing. Um, I, uh…lost some of her art supplies." Is that what the kids are calling it these days? Joan looks like she'd like to buy that, but is fresh out of three-dollar bills. Adam tries again: "She's a freak." Joan glances again at Grace, who's really having trouble knowing what to do with her facial expression. As Joan says, "Adam…" Bailiff God calls them back into the courtroom. Adam grabs this excuse to leave Joan standing there, looking like someone just smacked her in the face. Bailiff God watches her. She finally lets out a small breath, but it's not one of relief.
After the commercials, Joan begins questioning "Jack." How come he gets his name on his tag? Why isn't he "Defendant"? She has a little trouble getting started, discombobulated as she is. She begins by asking, "Jack, I understand you sold your cow. Why?" Adam replies, "Wasn't making milk anymore." Wow, the "why buy the cow" jokes just make themselves. She asks what he got for it. He answers: "Some magic beans. I was hungry." She avoids looking at him, preferring to focus on her notes, as she asks, "Is that why you…climbed up to the giant's house?" Barely audible, he says, "Yeah. I was hungry." At this Joan looks up at him: "Hungry?" He confirms his answer, weakly. She gets up and says, "So maybe it was your hunger that diminished your mental capacity. You weren't thinking clearly." Adam agrees. She continues: "That would explain why you…stole the goose from the giant, because if you were thinking clearly you would have realized how much you were risking by going over there. Right." Adam: "I guess." Joan: "But you needed to satisfy your hunger. It's all you were thinking about, right?" She looks at him intently. He agrees. Luke asks Grace, "Isn't she leading the witness?" Grace makes a gesture with her head, to the effect of, "I know, but leave it alone, because…I can't explain why." Joan stares at Adam, who says, "It wasn't like that." Joan: "Mrs. Giant had just given you a huge breakfast. Isn't that right?" He admits this. "So you weren't really hungry when you stole the giant's goose, were you? You just took it, because you wanted it. That's the only reason, isn't it?" Frink: "At least the goose will lay things." Adam says inaudibly, "Yeah." Joan raises her voice: "I'll rephrase the question: Do you believe that just because you want something, that that means it is okay for you to take it, no matter what the consequences are?" He doesn't respond. Joan: "Answer the question!" Again, in a tiny voice, he says, "I didn't think that far ahead." She asks, "Did you need to steal the goose to survive? Or did you just want it?" She quickly wipes away a tear. I don't know how anyone else in the courtroom can hear Adam, but they're all spellbound nonetheless, seeing as how Mock Trial has turned into Cock Trial. Not that they understand what the hell is transpiring here, but it's all very dramatic, so they're riveted. Adam says, "I felt like I needed it." She states, "You stole the goose and you didn't care who you hurt in the process, did you?" Now he's welling up, and he says, "Jane…it wasn't like that." Tears run from her left eye as she demands, "Then what was it like?" He swallows and doesn't speak. Joan: "What?" Finally Grace can take it no longer, and says, in the softest tone she can manage: "Objection…badgering the witness." Joan tells the judge, "I'm done. The prosecution rests." Man. Not that this is news, but Chris and Amber and Becky really can blow the doors off a place.