Joe Millionaire
Diamond Ring

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Kim: C+ | Grade It Now!
Diamond Ring

Zora says that the good news is that she was kind of turned off by the fact that Evan inherited that money. She laughs. She says that after spending some time with Evan, she was pleasantly surprised to find out how many wonderful qualities he possessed. She's so reading from a script. Who talks like that? No one. And enough with the Dramatic Pauses where Evan and Zora smile at each other. Zora concludes that she "would like to continue with the journey and see what happens." I hate when people refer to their relationship as a "journey." What are you, Aerosmith? "Life's a journey, not a destination!" Zora seems like the type of person who really, really likes posters of sunsets with inspirational quotes about motivation. Evan and Zora both laugh. Zora asks if it's still being offered. Evan says he was hoping she'd show up and he understands her feelings, since he got frustrated on their last date because he wanted to get to know her better but he felt like he was playing a game with her.

After saying that he wants to stay the course as well, Evan grabs the red box from Paul's tray and opens it to offer Zora the diamond ring inside. But he can't show it to her without offering eight million explanations about how it's "more of a promise" that he wants to continue their journey. In other words, we ain't getting married, sister. I wish Zora would say, "Believe me, that's the last thing I want from you." Instead, she's like, "Ooh, sparkly!" Evan says he's going to put it on her right hand instead of her left. He struggles to get it on her finger and she laughs and tells him to push it over her big knuckles. Evan says he has big knuckles too. That's what happens when they drag on the ground like that, dude. Crazy fairy-tale music plays as Zora admires her ring. They share a very chaste kiss, then Zora wipes the lipstick from Evan's face.

Paul enters with two glasses of champagne, and Evan's like, "Woohoo! Let's get this party started!" Okay, but you know he was thinking it. He was about two more glasses away from taking his shirt off. Evan starts to offer up a toast, but then decides to let Zora do it. She toasts to their journey, and wouldn't it be awesome if Steve Perry came running out and started belting "Don't Stop Believin'"?

Paul walks out with another silver tray, like, they must have an unlimited supply at that place. This one has a lid on it. Paul congratulates Evan for choosing a woman "who truly knows the meaning of openness, generosity of spirit, and a real love of a simple and unfettered lifestyle." Zora gives Evan a smirk like, "Aren't I a prize? Even Paul thinks so." I try to imagine what they would have made Paul say if Evan had chosen Sarah. Paul says that "true love is a great treasure." Are we really meant to believe that these two love each other? They've spent a total of, like, twenty hours together, total! And half that time, they were barely speaking. Paul says that all fairy tales need a bit of magic, so they'll both need magic to live happily ever after. Heh. Basically, he just said there's no way they could be happy without some production interference. Zora looks like she's about to burst out laughing. I think she totally knows what's coming. Paul tells Zora that because she was able to accept Evan for who he truly is, Paul's able to give them both something. Paul informs Evan that this is something he hasn't been told about. Zora smiles at Evan like she can't wait to see his reaction. Come on! She totally knows!

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Joe Millionaire




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