Joe Millionaire
Diamond Ring

Episode Report Card
Kim: C+ | Grade It Now!
Diamond Ring

Evan says he got mixed feelings toward the end of the date in Corsica. I need to take a sidebar here to discuss Zora's hair for a minute. She has longish bangs, but they just look awful, like, why wouldn't she pull them back with the rest of her hair? They're long enough. Anyway. Evan says that he has two things to tell Zora. Then they edit in a bunch of reaction shots to make it look like he paused for five minutes before he says that he's trying to find the right words. Evan tells Zora that he thinks she's an incredible person. Then he pays her the ultimate compliment: "You're no dummy." You know, my husband bought me a Valentine's Day card that said exactly the same thing. Except not. Evan tells Zora that she's watching and observant and that they always enjoyed each other's company. He saw something in her that made him feel at ease and made him think she was a great person. Evan goes on (and on and on): "You have a way about you, and I think that you know this -- that you care about people and you have a passion for life, and you make that known." What does that even mean? As opposed to those people who have a passion for life but keep it a secret? Would they say, "I love life, but don't tell anyone!" Finally, with all of the finesse and grace that he has shown throughout this series, Evan just blurts, "I've chosen you." I wish he had made her a puzzle like Mojo. Zora smiles wide. They both laugh. Zora asks, "Are you serious? That's so cool!" Evan makes a noise like, "Um, you might want to hold off on the celebration a bit." They cut in the same clip of each of them smiling, like, ten times in a row and then Evan says again that he's chosen her.

Evan goes on to the second part, and announces that there's something else he needs to say that "has been really, really kind of weighing on [his] nerves." On his "nerves"? Like it's been annoying him? I thought he was going to say that he hates her hair or something: "I choose you, but seriously, do something about those bangs. They're getting on my nerves." Evan says he doesn't want to hear Zora's answer until she's had time to think about this. Evan says (and I'm going to transcribe, because if you didn't see it, you would not believe how wordy it is, but you have to imagine long pauses between each phrase): "I've been going through this whole event with you and the others, and the hardest thing about doing this with you guys was -- and especially you in particular; you have a problem with not knowing whether to trust me or not. What I'm going to tell you now is, to me, something's that going to be, going to be somewhat of a relief, and it'll let you better know who I am as a person. [loooooooooong pause] I don't have fifty million dollars. I don't have fifty thousand dollars."

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Joe Millionaire




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