Joe Millionaire
Diamond Ring

Episode Report Card
Kim: C+ | Grade It Now!
Diamond Ring

Sarah is in her room packing. Paul walks up and says he's got someone to help with her packing, and then Melissa walks in. They hug. I know some people were wondering why Melissa was there, but I think the answer is obvious. The producers wanted unguarded reaction talk from Sarah, and they knew she wouldn't give it in an interview, so they brought her old shit-talking buddy back so they would get the good footage. Melissa and Sarah head right out to the Smokers' Lounge of Slander. Melissa asks what Evan said when Sarah was eliminated. Sarah says that Evan told her he didn't inherit the money. Melissa thinks that's strange -- that he just came right out and said it. What was he supposed to do, spell it out with semaphore flags? Send her a telegram?

Melissa thinks the whole thing is funny and does an imitation of Evan that's not very good, but she curses, which always earns points with me. Melissa wonders if Sarah asked Evan if their necklaces are real, and they both die laughing. It was kind of funny, but not that funny. Sarah does that thing where, instead of laughing, she just says, "That's so funny." Wasn't that on an episode of Seinfeld? Melissa also thinks that was so funny. Melissa asks who would lie to a bunch of people and Sarah wonders who would do such a thing. I know! And then who would go on a reality show hoping to meet a husband? Some people! In an interview, Melissa says that regardless of Evan's financial status, he's not it, because money doesn't make you suave, or give you charm and class. Ask Donald Trump. Or Tony Soprano. In an interview, Sarah says that she doesn't think a lot of men would go on television and just flat-out lie, and she thinks it took some nerve. Again, I find it great that Sarah can be so judgmental of Evan when she went on the show of her own free will, and maybe she didn't go on with the intent to lie to anyone, but she did go on the show. So maybe she shouldn't judge. And maybe she should lay off the eyebrow pencil. No, she should definitely do that. In conclusion, they are both assholes. Melissa and Sarah agree that it was more bizarre than funny. In an interview, Melissa says that she thinks Sarah was sad about not getting chosen.

Sarah and Melissa go back to the bedroom and our viewpoint switches to an overhead stationary camera, so I'm guessing that they don't know they've being filmed right now. They know they are miked, but they don't know they are being filmed. Sarah complains that Evan didn't say why he didn't choose her. Melissa brings up that she didn't get an explanation when she was eliminated, and Sarah is like, "Um, who cares about you? We're talking about me here. You didn't make the finals, loser." Sarah silently mouths the words, "Because of what happened that night?" Sarah rolls some socks into a ball and makes a kissing motion with her mouth. Then she sticks her tongue in her cheek, and then raises the sock ball to her mouth and kisses it. What? I don't get it. She kissed his feet? She rolled his socks? I don't...oh, wait. J-Dawg has to tell me something. Be right back. [Whispered conference] Oh. Oooooooooohhhh. She was making the blowjob face! I think she was doing it with her tongue in the cheek that was away from the camera, so you couldn't see it, and then she put the socks up to cover the gesture. I didn't get what the socks were supposed to represent, and I didn't want to know, so I'm just going to tell myself that they were camouflage. Sarah mouths something else that they don't caption that ends with the word "him." Melissa asks, "You did?" Sarah says that she did a little bit and then mouths, "Do you think that made me look stupid? And that's why he didn't choose me?" Melissa scoffs at the very idea.

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Joe Millionaire




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