Joe Millionaire
Emerald Necklace, Again

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Emerald Necklace, Again

The opening credits crack me up because they put a little rope X over each eliminated contestant. I appreciate that, because I hate when reality shows keep including people in the credits who are no longer on the show. Just a pet peeve. At least the JM producers acknowledge that some contestants are gone.

Paul welcomes us back and says that so far, David has been a "fish out of water" in Europe, but that tonight he will be more at home, as he takes the ladies to a ranch in Tuscany. And they'll have to shovel horse manure. You know, it was slightly amusing the first time they did this, but it's not that funny twice. Poop is gross. We get it. Paul wonders which women "will turn up their noses at David's cowboy lifestyle." Do you think David actually shovels horse manure? I guess it's more likely that David does than it was that Evan did.

At the villa, the women gather for breakfast. Lina says she had a nice dream about shopping. Who dreams about shopping? That is so lame. Olinda says that going to a spa and getting a massage would be like a normal day for her. I think Olinda should meet Gustave. I know he enjoys the spa. I notice that more than a few women are smoking at the table. Can you imagine the uproar if the contestants were American? I'm a smoker, and even I wouldn't smoke while others are trying to eat. Also, Alessia and Anique are wearing sunglasses at the table. I don't know if it's due to a hangover or the lighting for the show. Or if it's just an affectation.

Paul shows up. Olinda interviews that when Paul showed up, they thought he would announce that they were going to a spa or shopping or to the beach. Olinda is wearing a giant rainbow caftan that she stole from Bruce Vilanch. Paul says that David has been learning about Europe, and now he'd like the women to learn about Texas, so he's inviting them to a Tuscan ranch. Paul adds that David has bought them all presents to get them in the mood. A bottle of Courvoisier? Hee. I just imagined if Tim Meadows as The Ladies Man was on this show. Or even better, Christopher Walken as The Continental. Paul tells the women to pack for an overnight stay, and that they'll get picked up in fifteen minutes.

The women go to pick up their presents. The gifts are cowboy boots and hats. Instead of letting us have the joy of watching the women fight over the boots and hats, each is labeled with a name. Boo! Alessia dances around and claps. The women try on their new clothes. Lina interviews for the benefit of the radio audience that they got "some lovely cowboy boots and some hats." Linda mimes throwing a lasso. Or possibly riding a bucking bronco. I'm not sure which. Cat interviews that she's never worn a cowboy hat, and that she likes it. Anique interviews that when they saw the cowboy boots, they hoped they would be horseback riding. The women try to coordinate their outfits to their new foot- and headwear, which mostly involves putting on jeans. I notice that someone has written on the mirror in lipstick, "Humor, music, temper." I don't know. Alessia dances around in her boots and says she can't wait to go. Olinda -- who actually looks really good in her cowboy hat -- says that they are going to have fun. Anique interviews that she looks gorgeous in a cowboy hat. Eh, not so much. Linda pretends to draw a gun and shoot at Petra, except she uses two fingers spread apart to mime the barrel of the gun, which doesn't really work. I don't know what kind of crazy gun she's pretending to use, but I can't imagine it's going to shoot very straight. Petra interviews that they were all looking stunning. Linda interviews that she's never learned to ride a horse, and that she is excited for David to show her "the beauty of horses." The women all get into cars and take off.

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Joe Millionaire

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