Joe Millionaire
Meet David Smith

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Kim: C | Grade It Now!
Meet David Smith

Hey, David's changing his shirt again! That's, like, two shots of his naked torso in about thirty seconds. Again, not complaining. In fact, freeze-framing and gawking. The funniest part is that he leaves his shirt pulled up, stomach exposed, while he puts on his cowboy hat. I'm sure that was purely accidental. David pulls a couple of crumpled dollar bills out of his pocket as he voice-overs that most cowboys aren't rich, and do it for the love. The rodeo coach says that David is humble, appreciative, and trustworthy. And yet willing to completely fuck with the minds of fourteen women for the right price. David explains that his parents raised him "Southern," but that he's not allowed to wear his cowboy hat in the house. I have to say that I think of cowboy hats as more Western than Southern. David explains that his parents are old-fashioned, but that they are right in the way they raised him. And also, his mother doesn't like him to wear spurs at the dinner table. So no hats and no spurs? Well, I am definitely not accepting that surely-on-the-way dinner invitation at the Smith house.

David says that he has a little dog that stays with him, a Jack Russell Terrier. That dog is so not a Jack Russell Terrier. Eddie on Frasier is a Jack Russell Terrier. This dog is fluffy. I'm not sure what the whole dog segment was about anyway. I guess just to show that he can't be a completely bad person, because he loves his dog. David's mother says that David is "kind, loving, and giving" and will make some girl a good husband. At least, I think that was his mother. She was never identified. She looked a little old to be his mother, and the dude standing next to her looked way too old to be his father. Who knows? David says that the rodeo can be lonely, and he wonders, as he drives his truck, how he can take a girl out "for a real fancy supper" when he only makes $11,000 a year. I think the first step is to find a woman, not a girl. And the second step would be to find one who doesn't care where you go, because she's more interested in spending time with you than she is eating a fancy supper. David wonders what girl will go with a guy who's always on the road and only has a few dollars in his pocket. I think those are two separate issues, but whatever. David buttons the cuffs of his sleeves. What is with him and the shirts? He's constantly either putting one on or taking one off, or adjusting the one he has on. I think he has OCD. David mentions that he also sleeps in his truck, and girls "don't come flocking to broke cowboys."

David's grandmother (not his mother) says she hopes David ends up with someone who loves him. David details what kind of woman he wants: she needs to be "nice and sweet," but he doesn't want "some girl cussing and, you know, being like a guy." Well, I guess I'm right the fuck out. ["Fuck, me too. [hocks loogie]" -- Wing Chun] And whatever empathy I had for poor David just flew out the window, because it's total bullshit that he thinks it's okay if guys swear but he doesn't want a lady to do so. Some women walk toward the rodeo gate. David explains that they are "buckle bunnies" -- in other words, rodeo groupies. They apparently favor really tight jeans, even if their figures are not flattered by said apparel. It's really sad to me that there are rodeo groupies, given that rodeo stars are neither rich nor famous. Like, I can sort of understand the appeal of sleeping with a rock star or a famous actor, for bragging rights or the hopes that he might fall in love with you or whatever. But a rodeo star? Why? David says he wants "more of a feminine woman." Still hating him. David packs his spurs and gloves as he voice-overs that maybe "one of these European girls will be more to [his] liking." Yes, Europe. The last bastion of femininity. I wonder what David will think if he encounters a woman who doesn't shave her pits? ["Um, Kim? A 'woman' who doesn't shave her pits is a man, hello." -- Wing Chun] I don't think that would fit in with his stereotypical ideas of femininity. David says he'll find out if the women are interested in him because of his alleged millions or for who he is.

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Joe Millionaire




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