Cut to Evan, who is still getting wine lessons from Paul. That Paul is magic! He greets the women and still manages to fit in some wine lessons! Paul tells Evan that part of tasting wine is getting the aroma, so you should take a sip of wine and then "suck the air over it between your teeth." Evan takes a sip and then makes a prolonged slurping noise, kind of like he's gargling with the wine. I don't know how Paul didn't fall down laughing. Evan eventually chokes and starts laughing at himself.
Back to the women. Melissa Jo is going on and on about the house. Another woman moves away from the window and knocks a lamp to the floor. Someone yells out, "You break it, you buy it!" Um, this isn't the local Wal-Mart. I don't think those rules apply here. That's one of the things that bugs me about this show. They are going to all these lengths to teach Evan how to appear rich, but it really doesn't seem like any of these women would know the difference. They're hardly from high society themselves. Paul continues to quiz Evan on the wine choices. In an interview, Erica, 32, a physical therapist, says that she could get used to living in a castle. Erica looks about forty-two. I don't mean to harp on the ages here, but every time a number appears on the screen, I burst out laughing. Two women look out the window and talk about how they could imagine getting married on the grounds.
More arrivals. Jen, 23 and an office coordinator, squeals, "I am so a real-life princess right now!" She's the first one who claims to be under twenty-five that I believe. Do you think the producers coached them to talk about fairy tales and princesses, because this is a bit much, really. In an interview, Jen says that it would be awesome to tell people, "I met my husband on TV and millions of people shared in our fairy tale." That puts the fairy tale count at five. Also, if someone told me that, I would find it gross and kind of frightening. Especially if they referred to their marriage as a fairy tale. Paul is still quizzing Evan on wine. The women get a window open and check out the new arrivals.
Next to arrive are Melissa M., 24, a customer service rep and Mary, 24, who is in ad sales. Melissa squeals, "Oh my God! A castle!" I actually like Melissa M.'s poncho. I think I had one of those when I was four. In an interview, Mary says that she always wanted to be "a fairy princess" (almost added to the fairy tale count) and the "whole prince thing" would be nice, because she'd like to be "whisked away." And Susan B. Anthony just rolled over in her grave. I imagine Susan B. Anthony and Elizabeth Cady Stanton sitting up in heaven, looking down at this show, and going, "We gave up so much to get the goddamn vote and this is what happens? Fuck that noise. Pass the gin." Back Fatty walks through the chateau and says, "I'm such a princess. I feel right at home here." I don't think princesses generally wear pants so that you can see their pubic bone, so hike those babies up a bit. I kind of feel like I should start a princess count, but that may require higher math skills. Melissa Jo whines, "This is like the best time of my life." That is so goddamned tragic that I have no words. Evan continues to sip wine with Paul.