Joe Millionaire
Pearl Necklace

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The Butler Did It!

As the girls sit around inside, Paul walks in and informs them that "Mr. Evan Wallace" will be arriving in ten minutes. Amanda stands up and says, "I'm going to be making out with him today. I don't know about you." Jen responds, "Oh, we forgot, you're one of those girls." Ladies, I got news for you. You went on this show; you're all "one of those girls."

Evan reports to the stables. In an interview, Evan explains that in order to make a spectacular entrance, he would arrive on horseback. Evan thinks this is odd, since he's never ridden a horse in his life. The horse-riding instructor gives Evan some advice about riding with style. Meanwhile, back at the chateau, the women scramble to get ready for Evan's arrival by changing clothes and putting on make-up. I think some of them even took showers and blew their hair dry. In ten minutes? In an interview, Evan says, "My father always told me, you know, there's two things you always look for with physical attraction in a woman: what her mother looks like, and what she looks like without her make-up on." Wouldn't those be more like signifiers of how the woman will age? I guess he doesn't have to worry about that, since most of these women are already kind of old, despite their claims to the contrary. The women continue to primp. Evan voice-overs that the first horse they picked for him to ride "took one look at [Evan] and broke away from the trainer, bucking and kicking." We see the horse doing just that, as the trainer attempts to get it under control. Ultimately, the horse just turns tail and runs off. Hee! Smart horse. Maybe he's one of those snobby horses who only appears on public television and wouldn't deign to be on a cheesy reality show. The trainer chases the horse down as Evan stands by ineffectually.

The women continue to primp. One woman digs through her suitcase and asks if she should wear leather pants. Another woman calls back, "No!" I think that "No!" is always the answer to that question unless you are a rock star, or possibly a movie star. And maybe, maybe, if you are going out to a club where there might also be rock stars and movie stars in attendance. But in the French countryside, in order to meet a fake millionaire? I think even Miss Manners would agree that leather pants are not appropriate for that situation.

Evan is now in the saddle, but the horse isn't moving. The women walk down the stairs and outside. A woman voice-overs, "The man of my dreams is just going to have a heart of gold." How is that relevant? If she had said that the man of her dreams would know how to ride a horse really well, I could see it. ["I think she meant a heart made of actual 18-karat gold. So that she could dig it." -- Sars] Evan rides the horse to the chateau. He voice-overs that mainly he was trying not to fall off the horse. He tilts precariously to one side in the saddle. The women continue to assemble in front of the chateau. In an interview, Katie says that she wants her husband to be financially secure, because she doesn't want to be the breadwinner. Again, she's a doctor. Maybe I should give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she wants to work in, like, an inner-city clinic or volunteer or something. In an interview, Erica says she's looking for someone who is passionate about his job and his work. Well, Evan is passionate about moving dirt. He said so! In an interview, Melissa M. says she likes that Evan just stumbled into the money. As Evan draws closer, Mary voice-overs that she needs someone who's ambitious. I still don't quite get how "ambitious" equals "rich." To me, "ambitious" just means someone who will get off their ass and work when they need to, even if it's at a low-paying job.

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Joe Millionaire




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