Joe Millionaire
Ruby Necklace

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Ruby Necklace

Previously on Joe Millionaire: Evan and the women went to Paris. Sarah got to go dancing. Mojo wore her fucking hat to the Moulin Rouge. Evan practically told Zora his secret and she barely even noticed. My best friend Alison was mercifully sent home before she could do something that might ruin our friendship.

MasterCheese Theatre. Paul says that Evan and the women are returning to the chateau, and he wonders, without the distractions of Paris, which of the women will enjoy "the pleasure of Evan's company, or as Evan would say 'hanging out.'" If that was supposed to be an example of how Evan is uncultured, it was a pretty lame one.

Paul welcomes Evan back to the chateau. In an interview, Evan says he's anxious to get on with the process. Up in one of the women's rooms, Melissa shadow boxes like she's training for a prize fight. It would be awesome if they reenacted scenes from the various Rocky movies. Man, the editors are missing out on a potential bonanza here. They could have Sarah punching sides of frozen beef in a meat locker, and Melissa running up the steps of the chateau and then doing a victory dance at the top, capped off by Mojo chasing chickens out in the countryside. And then Zora could walk up to Melissa and go, "I will break you!" and they would pound gloves. Ding ding!

No such luck. Instead, we get boring Evan unpacking boringly with Paul's help. Evan voice-overs that now that they are back in the chateau, there's no schedule and everything is more real. Yes, there is no schedule except for the fact that he has to eliminate one of the women occasionally, and it's more real except for the part where he's told them all he has $50 million. I can see what he means there. Zora spots Mojo picking petals off a flower, like, who does that seriously past the age of seventeen? Zora asks, "So, does he love you?" and Mojo answers, "Of course!" In an interview, Evan says that this is where we find out what it's all about. Well, I'm glad that I suffered through the first three episodes that were apparently a waste of time.

Frenchy music plays as Evan and Sarah grab some bikes out in front of the chateau. Evan suggests that they do a Laverne & Shirley thing and ride double. Ah, riding double. My friend Gretchen and I used to ride double on her pink Huffy (even though I had my own perfectly fine bike) up to the convenience store in town to buy candy, and then on the way home we would start laughing so hard that we would fall off the bike. Good times. Anyway, Evan gets points for the pop culture reference, but it would have been enhanced by his also singing the theme song. In an interview, Evan says that he and Sarah are going on a bike ride and will stop for a wine tasting. As they ride off, Sarah says that there will be no racing. In an interview, Evan says he thinks it'll be a fun date. He offers to push her on her bike. They arrive at the vineyard. In an interview, Sarah says that she's happy to have Evan's undivided attention.

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Joe Millionaire

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