Joe Millionaire
Ruby Necklace

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Ruby Necklace

Mojo and Evan walk outside the chateau to begin their date. To my everlasting disappointment, Mojo is not wearing a hat. Mojo tells Paul to inform Evan that he can't hurt her. What in the hell kind of date are they going on anyway? In an interview, Mojo says that her date is going to be fantastic because they are going fencing. Wow, how romantic. This isn't Zorro and Mojo is no Catherine Zeta-Jones. In an interview, Paul says he dropped them off with their swords and hoped they wouldn't come back bloody. In an interview, Mojo says that they gave them fencing outfits, which included a white shirt and a lace-up black bustier. And a hat. Oh, there is a hat. It has feathers on it. Mojo is in heaven. Mojo and Evan fence. In an interview, Evan says that Mojo is gorgeous, and that she sees what she wants and goes for it. In an interview, Mojo says there has to be some kind of attraction, and she wants to be so attracted to a guy that she wants to jump on him every time she sees him. That seems a little unrealistic. And time-consuming. In an interview, Evan says that fencing is more like a dance or a ritual than a fight, and that Mojo was pretty good, but he was afraid she was going to lop an ear off. Mojo wins the match, as Evan falls to the ground. In an interview, Mojo says she kicked his butt. Mojo helps Evan stand up. In an interview, Mojo says, "I don't think he can handle the Mojo." And then she winks. Somehow I have gone from hating Mojo all the way around to loving Mojo in the sense that I can't wait to see what asshole move she will pull next. Like winking. And referring to herself in the third person. As Mojo and Evan walk out of their fencing lesson, we get to see that she totally kept the hat. Awesome.

Evan and Mojo return to the chateau. In an interview, Evan says that Mojo had a surprise for him. It's a hat! No, it's not. But it should have been. She gives him a gift and says that she made it for him. In an interview, Mojo says that she made it before she even came to France. It's a poem. And a puzzle. Mojo reads part of the poem: "Butterflies of passion, excitement, and fun." "Butterflies of fun"? Frankly, "butterflies of passion"? In an interview, Evan says that Mojo was sweet to make him a gift, but he doesn't seem all that psyched about it. Mojo continues to read: "Waiting patiently, I for my husband, you for your wife." Wait, she wrote this before she even went to France? Why am I picturing Mojo lying on her stomach on her bed with her feet up I the air, glitter eye shadow sparkling, writing this with a pink gel pen that has some pink faux fur glued to it? And of course, wearing a matching pink faux fur hat. She really is like a fourteen-year-old girl. In an interview, Evan says that "the 'husband and wife' line was a little scary." Evan totally loses interest even though Mojo is still reading, and she has to tell him to keep listening. Okay, first of all, I could never write a poem for a date. But even if I could, I could never read it to him without bursting out laughing. And even if I could do that, if he got bored and stopped listening, I would just stop reading it. And I definitely couldn't do all those things on camera. Mojo finishes: "Loyal, caring, independent, and true. If the tables were turned...complete the puzzle for the end, and possibly the beginning." What kind of crap-ass poem is that? It doesn't even make sense. And I really would expect a poem penned by Mojo to rhyme.

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Joe Millionaire




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