Joe Millionaire
Ruby Necklace

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Ruby Necklace

Evan and Sarah ride their bikes in the moonlight back to the chateau. In an interview, Evan says that between the kissing and the drinking, they wanted to get close, so they headed for the front lawn. Sarah and Evan try to sneak away from the cameras, without much luck at first. Of course, they totally forget that even if the camera can't see them, their microphones are still on. Amateurs. In an interview, Sarah says they thought it was now or never. Evan and Sarah continue to walk through the grounds, talking about how the camera crews are totally on to them. In an interview, Evan says that the deeper they got into the woods, the more exciting it got. In an interview, Sarah says they decided to ditch the camera crew. The captioner is reduced to writing things like, "Shhh!" and "He he," which should technically probably be "Hee hee!" but you get the point. Evan and Sarah have completely disappeared from camera range by now.

In an interview, Evan says he realized that he and Sarah were finally alone, and that's when "everything kind of kicked into a different gear and it started to get a little more intimate." Oh, but don't you worry! The classy people at Fox wouldn't deprive you of this aural experience. We get to hear Evan and Sarah making out, and see their sounds written on the screen. All your favorites are here, such as, "Mwah" and "Mmm." Meanwhile, Zora is washing out a piece of clothing in the sink. What? What in the hell does that have to do with anything? Is Sarah not supposed to kiss Evan because poor Zora's clothes are dirty? I don't get it. Sarah suggests that they lie down, and then the sounds turn to things like "Slurp" and "Gulp" and I don't even want to know what that last noise was supposed to imply but I think I'm going to throw up. I feel like oral sex was just implied, but I don't know who was supposed to be the giver and who was supposed to be the receiver, and frankly, I don't need or want to know and oh, dear. But seriously. "Gulp"?

Meanwhile, Zora and Mojo are allegedly playing chess, but I refuse to believe that Mojo knows how. Although if you look at the playing pieces, Mojo has captured one of Zora's, and Zora has captured pretty much all of Mojo's, so I guess that could be legit. More noises from Evan and Sarah, including additional slurps and smacks and rustling and giggling. Okay, the captioning is kind of funny, but it went on a little too long, like, we get it! They're making out! And possibly doing other intimate things. Ooh! Sarah giggles and says, "Scandal!" Yes, I'm sure that tomorrow people will be gathered around the water cooler saying, "Can you believe the slurping? And the gulping?" Okay, they might, but only if Mojo doesn't wear another hat this week, and what are the chances of that? Not bloody likely.

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Joe Millionaire

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