Joe Millionaire
Ruby Necklace

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Ruby Necklace

Evan and Melissa head downstairs. In an interview, Melissa says that when Evan told her they were going to cook, she was like, "Oh, greeeeeat!" and she makes a face like when you open a really ugly birthday present from your aunt. In the kitchen, Melissa flirts with Paul, so maybe she doesn't really understand the purpose of this show. In an interview, Melissa says, "Like, seriously, I do not. Cook." Evan pulls some food out of the fridge. It looks like some sort of steaks or possibly pork chops. ["Here's where I started feeling sorry for Melissa, because if I were confronted with a box of steak or pork chops, I would not know what to do with them. Brown them? Seriously, I'd be at a loss unless there was a gas barbecue around, and I doubt there was one at the chateau." -- Wing Chun] In an interview, Evan says, "I don't think she's really domesticated, and not that I'm looking for a woman that's domesticated." I think Evan is confusing "domestic" with "domesticated" here. He sounds like he's discussing taking a dingo into his home or something. Evan concludes, "I can't afford fancy dinners every night, so it would be nice to be with someone that at least knows her way around a kitchen." Yeah, it's called Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. Look into it.

Evan asks Melissa to find him a bowl, some butter, and some garlic. In an interview, Melissa says she didn't know where anything was in the kitchen. She opens the fridge, looking for garlic. In the fridge? She says she doesn't know what it looks like. How can you not know what garlic looks like? Although I must confess that my mom always used garlic powder instead of fresh garlic, so when I tried to cook a nice meal (lasagna) for my then boyfriend, I thought a head of garlic was what the recipe called a clove of garlic. Yes, I put an entire head of garlic into the lasagna. Yes, my boyfriend ate it anyway. Yes, it tasted like baked ass. But I was twenty-two years old, and it was my first time living on my own with an actual kitchen. Anyway.

In an interview, Melissa says that she thought it was a joke, so Evan cooked everything. Melissa says that she's ready to eat as Evan slaves away over a hot stove. Melissa also could not have worn a less practical shirt for cooking -- it's got those split flappy sleeves that are just waiting to go up in flames. Melissa wanders aimlessly about the kitchen. Couldn't she, like, chop the garlic or something? You don't have to know how to cook in order to cut shit up. ["Exactly, which is why that's my job in our household." -- Wing Chun] Melissa finds the garlic and shows it to Evan, who smells it and says that they're onions. It's totally garlic. Who's the dumb-ass now? In an interview, Melissa says that the cooking was a disaster. Melissa finds some mushrooms in the fridge and suggests cooking them. Evan tells her to do that while he cooks the steak, but she doesn't know how. Paul shows up and rummages through the fridge until he finds some salad. Melissa offers to make that. Evan tells Paul to remind him to fire the chef. Ha? I don't get it. Melissa hacks away at some tomatoes like she's chopping firewood. In an interview, Melissa says that the date was not romantic at all. Evan announces that everything is almost done. Melissa asks if it looks good, and Evan says that it looks kind of burnt. I don't know what the hell he was trying to do there, but he's using about ten pans and, based on the finished product, I think he cooked each thing in its own pan. I don't know.

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Joe Millionaire

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