Joe Millionaire

Episode Report Card
Kim: A- | 348 USERS: C+
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Sapphire Necklace

Cut to the first group date, which some onscreen text informs us will be called "The Vineyard Date." Evan has removed the second sweater and replaced it with a vest. Much better option. Evan voice-overs that the first group is Dana, Melissa, Sarah, and Brandy. In an interview, Evan says that the women are expecting romantic dates, but that he's got something else in store. Yes, I'm so sure that Evan, who could barely think up a fake middle name, came up with the date idea all by himself. He thinks candlelight dinners make it easy to hide your true motivation, and he wants to see what happens when the going gets tough and it's not so comfortable, since his life isn't filled with "creature comforts." That is true, if by "creature comforts," you mean "clothes that don't look like they could have been worn on an album cover in 1992." In an interview, Melissa says she's not outdoorsy, and that she was hoping the date would be inside. She concludes, "And it was outside!" She used a singsong voice and was so forlorn on that last word that it cracked me up.

Evan voice-overs that they went to the winery and met Philippe. Evan and the women exit the car. Most of the women put their scarves over their heads, because it appears to be raining, but not that heavy rain where you can just use an umbrella. That light misty rain where it seems like the air is just filled with water. That sucks. Melissa has put her hair into two buns on top of her head, which I think looks cute. Philippe gives them all buckets. In an interview, Sarah say that they thought they would just get a demonstration of how to pick grapes, but instead they got buckets and shears and waded "shin-deep in mud" out to the vines. Evan stands there and watches the women, like, pitch in or something, dude. I don't see how him standing there watching tests anything except how hard the women will work while he's standing over them like a foreman. He has a big container strapped to his back to hold the grapes. In an interview, Melissa says that she was "out of her element," because it was cold and raining and she didn't want to be picking grapes. We see a shot of Melissa standing there looking completely miserable. And I have to say, just because someone doesn't want to wade around in the mud picking grapes in the rain doesn't mean that she doesn't enjoy the outdoors. I enjoy the outdoors, but when it's fucking cold and rainy out, I enjoy the indoors even more. In an interview, Evan says he looks for a woman who can take care of herself, because he he can't fully support a woman at the moment. Yes, because since he makes so little money, his wife will be forced to get a job picking grapes. I mean, wouldn't a better test of that be to see if the woman currently holds down a full-time job and has a good work ethic? But that would involve talking to the women, which Evan has barely done yet.

Joe Millionaire

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