Joe Millionaire
Sapphire Necklace

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Sapphire Necklace

Evan the foreman tells the women that Martha Stewart would be proud of them. What does Martha Stewart have to do with picking grapes? Also, why is Evan obsessed with Martha Stewart? Maybe the rumors that he is gay really are true. Melissa yells, "I hate Martha Stewart." In an interview, Evan says that Melissa is spunky. Melissa calls out with a Swedish accent that she made Evan "a hotdish." Oh, I forgot that she's from Minnesota. In an interview, Evan says that he liked the "Princess Leia thing" that Melissa did with her hair. Well, it's less Princess Leia than Afro puffs, but whatever. In an interview, Melissa says that, in dating, sometimes you do things to get the other person to fall for you, and she can fake picking grapes and having fun. In an interview, Evan says that he thinks Melissa had a good time. Hee! Nice juxtaposition, editors. Evan stands behind Melissa in an effort to block the wind. Why not just tell the other women to fuck off and suck it up? Same effect.

In an interview, Sarah says that after they had picked "some token grapes," they thought they were done and started hanging out, but Philippe told them that there were ten more rows. Philippe points out the remaining rows to Melissa. In an interview, Melissa says that she was like, "Oh ha ha ha ha Philippe. Pretty funny, right?" and Philippe was like, "No, really, we must cut the grapes," and she thought he had to be kidding. Melissa yells that she's mad and can't believe it, which is kind of rude. Like do it or don't do it, but don't be all passive-aggressive about it by complaining while doing it. In an interview, Evan says that the date threw him for a loop, because he was trying to pick one girl with the best personality, and he couldn't decide. What? You mean there might be more than one girl with a good personality in the world? Stop the presses!

Dana picks some grapes and asks if she can put them in Evan's container. In an interview, Evan says that Dana has a great smile, and that you would trust her with your life because she's "just a really great girl." Well, that's compelling evidence. She has a great smile and she's a great girl. I know I'll be giving her a call the next time I find myself in an emergency situation. Evan adds that he thinks the other women were intimidated because Dana is so good-looking. Sarah laughingly points out that Dana is still on the third row of vines. Melissa snipes, "Just pick them and put them in the bucket! You don't have to get every single one! Let's get inside. I'm freezing." Evan hangs out with Dana, who worries that she's too slow, but Evan tells her that she's doing great. Of course, God forbid that he pitch in and help her. Instead, he's just standing there watching her. In an interview, Dana says that she took her time and she was behind everyone else, but that's who she is. She's slow? That's her personality? In an interview, Melissa says that she was wet and cold, so she wanted Dana to hurry up. Can't Melissa go back and help in order to hurry things along? It's not like they were each assigned rows and weren't allowed to deviate from the plan under penalty of death. Evan tells Dana that the other girls are jealous. Dana asks if they really are. In an interview, Dana says that everyone is competitive and sometimes people don't see past her looks. Her looks? As Wing Chun pointed out, she looks like Big Bird. Or maybe the love child of Big Bird and Uma Thurman. But she's not that pretty -- like, not intimidatingly pretty.

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Joe Millionaire




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