Joe Millionaire
Secrets Of The Women Of Joe Millionaire

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Secrets Of The Women Of Joe Millionaire

The final semi-finalist was Melissa. We open with a montage of Melissa saying, "Oh my God!" like, a million times. Melissa says that she paid for her schooling by bartending. She did the show for an adventure and a test. Why not just take the GREs or something? Flashback to Melissa telling Evan that he's a good secret keeper. Melissa says she had a gut feeling the whole time that Evan was hiding something. Flashback to Melissa telling Evan that he is an average person who doesn't think much. Hee! That was awesome. Especially because I think she meant it as a compliment. Melissa says there were little hints that something was wrong and she had her guard up. Yeah, her guard was up. That's why she was all flashing her underwear. Melissa thought Evan was charming and fun and a nice guy. She claims that she never thought that millions of people might watch the show. Flashback to Melissa practically grabbing Evan's hog on camera. Melissa says she had the most fun when they tried to cook dinner, and that she can't cook, but that doesn't make her a bad woman. No, what makes her a bad person and has nothing to do with her sex is how she whined and flounced around and then refused to help clean up. Melissa voice-overs that she brings a lot to the table as we see a shot of her cleavage resting on the table. Hee! Melissa claims to be caring and says she knows how to love. She's not even going to address the "mercenary" thing? Melissa says it was hard to say goodbye knowing she might never see Evan again, and that she didn't care about the money because she connected with Evan.

Mastercheese Theatre. Paul promises that when we return, we'll find out how the others felt about Heidi. Awesome. After the break, a survey of people on the street shows that 43% thought Evan would pick Zora and 57% thought he would pick Sarah. Paul invites us to take a look at Heidi. He claims that Heidi's aggressive play for Evan, her butchering of the French language, and the boyfriend issue really bothered the other girls. Did they really care that she didn't know how to speak French well?

Katy says that if she has gotten one question more than others, it's if Heidi is really as terrible as she seemed on the show. Then we get a montage of "Mom, Heidi's being a bitch again!" moments. Heidi yells that she wants her stipend. Heidi asks, "What the hell was that?" Heidi yells at Paul for bringing the wrong bag down. Then the awesome part is that we get shots of Alison mocking Heidi in between shots of Heidi acting like a bitch. Yay, Alison! In an interview, Melissa says that Heidi has gotten so much attention, and she doesn't want to talk about it. In an interview, Mojo says that Heidi was all about drama. And if Mojo thinks you're overly dramatic, you know you've got problems. In an interview, Heidi says that she came off as a villain because she's very assertive. Ah, the Jerri Manthey defense. Yes, that has been tried before. And it didn't work that time, either. Heidi reveals that girls don't really like her that much. And I have to wonder what kind of enormous ego she must have to assume that, when no women like her, that the problem is with all women instead of with herself. Flashback to the dress débacle. In an interview, Heidi says that other girls got mad that she took two dresses. In an interview, Katy says that "the dress thing was kind of crappy" because when Heidi grabbed two, it meant that someone else didn't get any. In an interview, Heidi says she was just focused on getting a gown and didn't think she was being rude, but then adds that it wasn't about playing fair. Then, Heidi moves into the horseback-riding issue. In an interview, Katy says that if Heidi didn't like the horse, she shouldn't have gotten on it, and then she did get on it and made a big production about getting off it. Yes, that pretty much sums it up. Heidi thinks the other women were jealous because Evan was kind to her in helping her off the horse.

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Joe Millionaire

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