Mastercheese Theatre. Paul says that Heidi has an "interesting strategy." And promises that next, we'll take a look at Evan's past. But first, we get to see a champagne montage, including all of the times that they pretended the champagne cork hit someone or broke something. Someone needs to teach Evan that you aren't supposed to let the cork fly when you open champagne. Do they do that in restaurants? No, they don't.
Virginia Beach. Evan says his upbringing is like a Norman Rockwell painting with a middle-income family. It cracks me up how everyone in the world thinks that they were middle-class, but obviously not everyone was middle-class. Looking at Evan's house, he appears to be more upper middle-class. Or his parents are, I should say. I'm not sure how much Evan made last year, though. I'm going to guess it was around $19,000, but that's just an estimate. Evan says that the world would be different if everyone's parents were like his. We see Evan's parents, who look perfectly normal, and lots of photos from Evan's childhood. Evan says that his desire to have kids comes from his great childhood. Please do not let this man reproduce. Evan talks just like his dad. It's scary. Evan talks about how, as a kid, he was into construction and building. Evan's dad says that Evan used to play with trucks and move sand around as a kid. Evan says he was a loner in school, and used to watch the maintenance guys repair the fields and wish he were with them. Evan says he was short and skinny and unpopular. You know, just like everyone grew up middle-class, everyone was unpopular in high school. Where are all the people who were popular? Evan says he started lifting weights in middle school. His mother says that Evan came out of military school much more confident and athletic. Evan says he was approached by a modeling agency in Paris, and he started doing it. He didn't want to continue, but he always hoped that the next day might be his big break. Finally, he gave it up because it was unfulfilling, and went back to construction.
One of Evan's friends tells a little tale about some woman who dissed Evan in a bar because he worked construction. The friend suggested that Evan lie about his occupation and Evan refused. Cut to Evan refusing to eat goat cheese. I don't really get the mental leap between refusing to lie about your job to refusing to eat goat cheese. Oh, I see! Evan is a man of principles! He hates goat cheese and he's not going to eat it just to impress some woman! Whatever. Another one of Evan's friends says that the Evan we see on the show is the real Evan. That's scary. Another one of Evan's friends thinks that Evan really started to like the women and felt really bad about lying to them. He thinks that Evan is basically shy, honest, and looking for love. Did he pay his friends off to say this stuff?