Joe Millionaire
The Aftermath

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The Aftermath

First up is a recap of what happened when Evan chose Zora. Do you really think there is anyone watching this episode who didn't see the finale? That would be like people who've seen Grease 2 and never saw Grease. You only watch the second one in hopes that it might retain some of the magic of the first one. Which it totally doesn't, and the only reason for watching Grease 2 is to see Michelle Pfeiffer sing "Cool Rider." And now that song will be stuck in my head for the rest of the day. The announcer very seriously tells us that tonight, Evan and Zora will be reunited for the first time in three months. In a preview of things to come (or perhaps not, as we shall see), Zora says that she plans to use the money to help her family. Yeah, like she sold her jewels to help her family? The interviewer asks Evan what happened in the woods, and Evan just smiles. Then there's some footage of the non-winning women watching the finale, some casting tapes of men who weren't cast as Joe Millionaire, and a bit on Paul the butler. In other words, filler, filler, filler, one second of something interesting, filler, filler, filler, Evan and Zora reunited, filler, filler, filler, and lots of commercials in between.

Mastercheese Theater. Paul tells us that we still don't know what the future will hold for Evan and Zora, and adds that since leaving France, they haven't been allowed to see each other so that the final choice would remain a secret. But first, we get to find out what the other women have been up to, and where they were when they watched the finale. I wish Alison and Katy had been at my house. That would have been awesome. I might have even let fucking Mojo come if she promised to wear a special hat and then didn't mind if we kind of made fun of her about it but she knew we were just kidding. Sort of.

In an interview, Mojo says that "a bunch of us girls from the show reunited" and watched the final episode together in a bar. We see about twelve of the women sitting around watching a TV. The only ones I recognize are Gretchen, Dana, Katy, Melissa, Mojo, Dayana, Alison, Erica, and Amanda. Mojo starts listing off the people she was excited to see, and basically lists everyone who was there. The women watch anxiously as, on screen, Evan starts revealing his decision to Zora. Melissa remains quiet, even though she totally knows Evan's decision. I'm surprised the producers let her attend. When Evan tells Zora that he's chosen her, Alison and Dana scream and throw their hands up in the air. In an interview, Mojo says she thought Evan would pick Zora the whole time. Katy looks pleased. In an interview, Melissa says tightly that she was happy for Zora, and that she thinks Zora and Evan are a good match. Her tone indicates that she was struggling for something diplomatic to say. And since Melissa has dissed Evan for being dumb numerous times since she left the chateau, it's not exactly a compliment when she says that Evan and Zora are a good match. It's like when your friend has on a really ugly outfit and you have to say something like, "It's certainly...colorful!" or "You seem to enjoy wearing it!" Not that I've ever done that, any friends of mine who might be reading. You always look great. In an interview, Katie says that Zora is genuine and could probably do better than Evan. "Probably"? Did Mojo give Katie fashion advice? Because she's wearing a rust-colored newsboy cap. She's like Katie from the block all of a sudden.

On the TV screen, Evan starts to tell Zora that he's not rich. Alison calls out, "Oh, really? That's shocking. Oh, she's got more patience than I ever imagined." See? We could definitely be friends! We both talk back to the television. When Evan says that he doesn't have $50 million, Alison guesses, "Paul is the real millionaire." Do these women really not know the twist? I can't believe word didn't spread like wildfire once filming was completed. In an interview, Alison says that because of all the lies he told, she would want to "drop [Evan] like a bad habit." From all indications, that's what Zora did.

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Joe Millionaire

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