John Doe
Doe Re: Me

Episode Report Card
Kim: C+ | Grade It Now!
Doe Re: Me

Cut to Frank and Lt. Bosslady back at the station. Frank says that the techs found two types of DNA on the body -- that of the victim, and that of someone who is probably her killer. They put the DNA into the computer and came up with a dude named Daniel Bowen, who was arrested for vagrancy a while back. Do they really keep DNA records of criminals? I'm so behind the times. Lt. Bosslady asks whether they know where Bowen is currently located, and Frank says that he's in a nearby "self-admit loco barn." Ah, Frank. He's so sensitive to the plight of the mentally ill.

Frank and Lt. Bosslady observe Bowen through a security camera. Frank says that the problem with the "Bowen as killer" scenario is that Bowen was locked in his room on the night of the murder. But did they establish the time of death such that the murder definitely took place the night before the body was found? Because it seems like it would take a while to cut a body in half. Lt. Bosslady asks whether they are sure it's Bowen's DNA. Frank is positive, and adds that the security in the place is as "tight as a drum." Lt. Bosslady says that they do have a magician on their hands. And then on to the incredibly drab credit sequence that do nothing to help sell this show, and yet it still tends to beat its lead-in, ratings-wise.

Digger pours John a drink at the bar, describing it as "the perfect hangover cure." John downs it and says it's the worst thing he's ever tasted. Annoying Waitress Who's No Longer a Waitress And Thus Needs a New Nickname laughs. John correctly identifies the contents of the drink. A nearby waitress asks him about the ingredients in another drink, which John also knows. Of course he does! He knows stuff. We got it. These scenes are starting to get a little pointless. John also likes to add little facts about how famous people died. Digger comes over and asks John why he's so sour. John says that his whole life is a mystery. Digger's all, "Buck up, little camper," and John's all, "No, I must be a man of mystery and angst and brooding." Karen (the former Annoying Waitress) is all, "No, Digger's right. Buck up!" Digger's all, "You should have sex." No, he really said that. Karen agrees that John needs a crush. John starts spouting facts about mini-golf. Karen promises to find John a girlfriend, like, when did she turn into his pimp?

Frank enters the bar. John introduces Frank and Digger to one another. Digger says that he "flashed a badge" in St. Louis (which he pronounces "St. Louie," as in "Meet Me In..."). Frank is interested until Digger reveals that he subsequently did six months in jail. I don't know. Frank wants some help from John's "big brain." John resists, until Frank offers to buy him a mocha frappuccino. Who needs a girlfriend when you've got a partner who will buy you frothy coffee-based concoctions?

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John Doe




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