John Doe

Episode Report Card
Kim: B- | Grade It Now!

Mrs. Palmer orders John to fix her tea with a touch of honey and a spritz of lemon. Okay, clearly she does not need the lemon, because -- see above. John slowly asks if she knows him, and if she recognizes him. Mrs. Palmer says that she knew him once upon a time. John asks if she knows Ferry Woman, and Mrs. Palmer says that Ferry Woman's name is Theresa. John asks if they're in Theresa's house, and Mrs. Palmer answers, "It would seem so, wouldn't it?" Well, that's not really a yes. John asks if it was his house and his dog. Mrs. Palmer doesn't answer his questions, instead saying, "You were always my favorite, Thomas. So direct." Since John isn't waiting on her, she gets up and pours her own damn tea. Mrs. Palmer compares John to a pet from the pound that is suddenly called by a brand new name. John asks where Theresa is. Mrs. Palmer just says, "In due time." John wants to know now, but Mrs. Palmer tells him that they'll take baby steps, and orders him to sit down and have tea with her. John practically hyperventilates as he starts to blather on about a man in a trench coat. Mrs. Palmer keeps calling him Thomas as she urges him to settle down. John freaks out and yells at Mrs. Palmer to tell him where Theresa is right now. Mrs. Palmer says that his "reaction is quite understandable," but she must warn him. John's all, "What are you talking about, warn me?" Um, maybe if you shut up for one minute, she would explain. Mrs. Palmer tells John not to make this ugly, and John says he's going to call the cops. He whips out his cell phone and urges Frank to pick up, when suddenly he's hit from behind with a stun gun and collapses to the floor. The stun gun operator was Black Duster. Mrs. Palmer picks up the cell phone and snaps it closed, saying, "Goodbye, Frank." She's such a drama queen.

John comes to and finds himself lying on a cot in an entirely white room that appears to have no doors or windows, but it does seem to have a skylight in the incredibly high ceiling. Mrs. Palmer speaks to him over some sort of loudspeaker. John asks where he is, and Mrs. Palmer tells him that it's a place where he can't hurt himself, and that he can leave at anytime. John pushes on one of the walls and demands to know where he is. Um, asked and answered, counselor? Mrs. Palmer thinks that John would have developed some patience by now, and orders him to take a seat. John finally shuts up and obeys. Mrs. Palmer says that she has some answers, beginning with his name: "Thomas Crowder. Son of Henry and Caroline. Born Valentine's Day, 1971. Sweetwater, Idaho." Wait, wait, WAIT! Hold the phone, here. He's supposed to be thirty-one years old? I thought he was like forty-two. Maybe they should have picked a younger-looking actor. That took me like five minutes to process on first viewing. Mrs. Palmer intones, "John Doe, this is your life."

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John Doe




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