According to John's brain-cyclopedia, the paint is lead based, dating it pre-1972, the year Congress passed The Lead-Base Paint Poisoning Prevention Act. Karen: "You should go on the road!" And here we go with the mind-numbing suggestions again. "'Stump John Doe' -- you could bag some serious coin." Because the stock market is treating him so unkindly, he needs to start a freak show. Come on, John's no Bubble Boy -- why would anyone want him in their freak show? Plus, it's kind of boring to hear someone drone on about facts all the time. Any. Way. I really wish that every comment of Karen's didn't send me into a five-page tirade against the writers of this show. It certainly would save me some time, because I feel like I've been recapping this episode forever. Where were we? Oh yeah, the paint chip, the newest in a long line of clues to John Doe's existence. It's like he's trapped in Groundhog Day, only instead of Bill Murray, he's some strange mixture of Sherlock Holmes, Inspector Abberline, and Angela Lansbury. Doe examines some graphs on his laptop. From the different percentages of blue, black, white, and yellow in the paint, he finds that it's Snoquaimie White. From there, he recites, "Last sold July 12, 1941, to contractors for exclusively big industrial projects." Karen examines a pot, walks to the garbage pan, and says, "Screw it -- you can afford non-stick pans." They have yet another Karen-really-cares-about-John conversation. A: Have you been getting enough sleep lately? B: Do you know fish sleep with their eyes open? A: Ohmigod, why do I even bother? John says, "Karen. I've got to get to the bottom of this. No sleep, no rest. Whatever it takes, I've got to find the man who washed up on the beach." She asks him to be careful, and he says he'll take his chances. From the paint chip, he found a probable match, one Warnkes Department store, closed in 1948, with no subsequent permit filings. Karen: "Cool. To the Batmobile, Robin."

The International Man Of Mystery car pulls up to the abandoned department store. John breaks into the old building and starts looking around with a flashlight. Water drips, and for a second, he's totally freaked out because he sees a mirror or something and dances the flashlight all over the place. Kind of ironic that a man who doesn't even know who he is seems scared to death of his own shadow. Anyway. The place is John Doe's version of a fun house, not haunted, but with lots of clues, and lights drawing him forward. Doe slams a fire extinguisher through a boarded-up door, grabs his flashlight, and goes inside. There's a mattress! Then slam! Someone locks him inside. Immediately, he slams against the door with the fire extinguisher. When that doesn't work, he sees an old rag, breaks off the top of the extinguisher, lights the rags on fire, tosses the extinguisher on the fire, then hides behind a strategically placed table for protection. Bam! Well, he got the door open. I think they should call him John MacGyver instead of John Doe.