John Doe
John Deux

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Ragdoll: B- | Grade It Now!
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Are You Sure This Isn't The X-Files?

Seacouver Hospital. Doe shuffles down the corridor and grabs a white lab coat off a laundry/supply shelf. Okay. They don't keep the white coats on those shelves, because any old Doe could just come along, grab one, and start impersonating a doctor, but whatever -- the script says incognito, and incognito it is. Doe looks furtively around before going into JD2's room. Machines are beeping. JD2 is unconscious. Doe scopes his chart. A nurse walks in just as Doe reaches out his hand to fondle the guy's hair. Don't know why the hair, but whatever, let's just go with it. She asks him what he's doing fondling JD2. Well, she just asks him what he's doing there, but the fondling part is so much more interesting. Doe makes up some cockamamie story about being the Elect-Med technician on call. Then he says, "I'm trying to see if you've caused any damage?" See, we all now know the real fun behind being a genius: you get to lie, and sound really good at it. Doe gets all technical on the nurse, blabbing on about the EKG machine, incorrect readings, and fancy ways JD2 could die. The nurse stammers, "I just checked --" Doe: "Not well enough. Now let me try and fix this and I'll decide whether or not to report you to the professional oversight committee." Doe bends over JD2 and starts running his hands all over the man's naked chest. Um, wouldn't they have given him a freaking gown? And dude, you can check for Signs just as well by using your eyes; you might be colour-blind but that doesn't make you unable to see a Sign. Poor JD2 wakes up because some weirdo genius is running his hands Oz-style all over his body, only he doesn't seem to care. He grabs Doe's shirt, opens it up to see the brand, and says, "You! They got you too!" Then, of course, JD2 goes into some form of cardiac arrest, and instead of, oh, I don't know, running and getting a doctor or something, Doe just stands there as the guy has a seizure and screams, "Who are they? Who got me?" Pillow thrashing. Machines beep uncontrollably. Thankfully, the nurse has some common sense. She went and got a couple of security officers. They haul John away, even though he screams about needing to stay.

Seacouver Cop Shop. Captain Jamie holds a mean file in her hand. She grabs it hard, waves it around, and then uses it as punishment. She walks at a good clip as she says, "If your suspect did it, how come the husband says he saw him in Tacoma at the time of the murder?" Detective Kerrigan trails behind, murmuring, "That's the question of the hour." Captain Jamie has "curt" down pat. "Hit the pavement and give me a reason to keep this guy in lockup, Kerrigan. The DA's giving me until lunch." Ouch. She's as hot as an Alabama firecracker. Jamie walks by the desks for the beat cops and other detectives and notices a poor John Doe sitting quietly, waiting his turn. She stops. "Tell me I didn't just see what I think I saw." Beat. Cop McBurly says, "Lieutenant?" And then holds up what I'm assuming is an arrest report. John Doe shows her the handcuffs. He smile-pouts at her, actually looking pretty darn cute. Jamie says, "If it isn't one thing, it's another with you. What's this all about?" Beat Cop McBurly replies: "I popped him for trespassing and impersonating a medical professional at Vickers. He says he knows you." Captain Jamie responds, "I don't know him." Heh. Doe: "Lieutenant Avery!" Jamie replies, "Well, I don't, do I, tell me one thing I know about you." Um, he helped you solve countless murders, and pretty much saved your ass on more than one occasion. Wow, someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed. This kind of attitude is usually reserved for that really high-strung vice-principal on Boston Public. The comparisons between Captain Jamie and Scully are sort of striking, too -- in the wardrobe, haircut, both wear crosses and have bad attitudes kind of way.

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John Doe

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