John Doe
John D.O.A.

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John D.O.A.

Frank and John arrive at their address. Frank hands John a gun. John points out that he's not licensed to carry a weapon. Frank says that John is a fugitive, so an unlicensed weapon is the least of his worries. Frank adds that they should take Pesco if they can. John says that if Pesco decides to take Lt. Bosslady out with him, they go to Plan B. As they prepare to enter, John asks Frank to give him thirty seconds. Frank says that he's taking the shot if he gets it. Frank open the door, makes sure it's clear, and then nods John in. Pesco watches John enter on his monitor. He hears John yelling to him, saying that Pesco wants someone to stop him, and that's why John is there. John bursts into the room, brandishing his gun. He tells Pesco that the game is over. Pesco takes refuge behind Lt. Bosslady, holding his knife to her throat. John urges Pesco to let her go. Pesco points out that then John will kill him, and he urges John to outsmart him. John lowers his gun and tosses it aside. Pesco notices Frank approaching the room on his monitors. Pesco says it's not a multiplayer game. Frank bursts in. Lt. Bosslady orders Frank to take the shot. John tells Frank they can take Pesco alive. The two of them exchange a barely perceptible nod, which is clearly the signal to go to Plan B. Frank insists they have to end it here. Pesco talks about how he's going to San Francisco next. Lt. Bosslady elbows Pesco, and Frank takes the shot just as John dives in front of the bullet and falls to the ground. Pesco is stunned, screaming, "Nooooooo!" Frank and Lt. Bosslady are freaked out. Frank runs to John's side as Pesco totally gets away. John is out. Wow, I bet he's dead. Maybe they'll have to change the name of the show.

Frank, Stella, Stu, Lt. Bosslady, and Karen are standing around a coffin in a cemetery. Digger gives John's eulogy. Wow, I can't believe they killed him off. Not. I haven't been fooled by a fake death since I totally thought Cordelia was killed by being impaled by rebar on Buffy. Now I know better. Anyway, Digger gives a whole sad eulogy, and Karen is totally sobbing, which makes me wonder if they let her in on the plan or not. Digger finishes and tosses a handful of dirt on the coffin, and then they all walk away. Lt. Bosslady turns back and, totally dry-eyed, says, "Goodbye, John."

That night, Pesco digs up John's coffin while telling himself that John isn't in there, and it was a brilliant plan. Pesco opens the coffin to find…John lying there! Still not fooled. Pesco is, though. He totally freaks out, yelling that he will kill again and again now that John isn't around to stop him. Frank's voice sounds from above ground: "The best laid plans of mice and men, Lenny." Pesco climbs out of the grave and asks how Frank knew he'd be there. Because he's watched television before? Pesco asks why Frank shot John, because John was his best opponent yet. Other cops surround Frank. Pesco asks what he'll do now, and John answers, "Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200." Pesco is all shocked to find John alive and standing there. Um, how about taking him into custody now, fellas? No, John has to give a big speech about how he had to change the game, and their backup plan was a Kevlar vest and the rebreather. No way! I'm so shocked. Pesco points out that John is claustrophobic, and John says it was a fear worth facing. Frank orders one of the cops to take Pesco in. The cop slowly approaches as Pesco puts his hands up. Would someone tackle this dude already, because I don't think I can take another episode of his serial killer shtick. Pesco sprays the cop in the eyes and takes his gun. Using the cop as a shield, Pesco walks backwards into a sewer entrance. In the cemetery? Do you really want sewer lines under the cemetery? Pesco drags his hostage down the stairs, and when he reaches the bottom, Lt. Bosslady stops him with a gun to the head. She Dirty Harrys, "You want to write your epitaph, Lenny?"

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John Doe




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