John Doe
Mind Games

Episode Report Card
Kim: F | Grade It Now!
Mind Games

Dante, Dr. Elvis, and Dionne argue over the crime scene photos. John walks in. Dante tells him that he doesn't "have the gray matter to be in this room." Because another truism about geniuses is that they love to lord their intelligence over the lesser people. John says, "Try me." Wesley notices all of the geniuses gathering and runs in to join them. Dante, Dr. Elvis, and Dionne pepper John with questions on varying subjects, and of course John gets them all right. Dante asks John if he's "some kind of idiot savant." Well, the first part, maybe.

Dante and Dr. Elvis get their cheeks swabbed for a paternity test. The doctor explains that she's got sample from the three men in the room, as well as the two deceased. John says that they need to locate the other group members, starting with Zeke Pepperfield, followed by Chris Sherman and William Sullivan. All along, I was hoping that John's real name was Zeke Pepperfield, because that's just a cool name. I might name my next pet Zeke Pepperfield. John says that any one of the remaining men could be Wesley's father and another one is probably the killer. Dr. Elvis says that he never knew Sherman or Sullivan, and Dionne adds that none of them did. John circles the final two names. Dante notices Wesley trying on his motorcycle helmet and promises that if he's Wesley's dad, he'll buy the kid a helmet that fits. Dionne gets back on topic, saying that Sherman and Sullivan didn't attend the University of Washington, and that they sent their sperm via FedEx. Ew. Wesley tells John that one of those two donors could be him. John says, "Maybe."

The geniuses walk back out into the station. John asks what the story is on Zeke Pepperfield. Dr. Elvis says that Pepperfield founded Group Otto. Frank pipes up that Pepperfield is "the Sy Sperling of sperm" because "he's not just the founder, he's also a client." Dante says that Pepperfield turned in his medical degree and bought a diamond mine in Prairie Creek, Arkansas. Dionne adds that everyone knows the purest forms of diamonds are found in South Africa. John contributes that 98 percent of diamonds found in Arkansas are industrial grade. The geniuses list off all of the uses for industrial grade diamonds, like, how annoying would it be to hang out with this crowd? Dr. Elvis supplies, "Surgical blades." John adds that they're used on "diamond-tipped cranial saws." Frank figures out that John just named the murder weapon, and rushes off to get an address for Pepperfield.

Frank walks into a house filled with caged raccoons. Just when I think I've typed the weirdest recap sentence ever, I find one to top it. John follows. Frank calls out for Zeke Pepperfield and gets no answer. He sighs and lowers his gun as he sees Pepperfield slumped over a table, brain missing. Suddenly, a guy in a black hoodie bursts out of a nearby room, yelling. Because the best way to sneak out of a house is to yell as loudly as possible so the cops don't miss you. Black Hoodie runs out of the house carrying a bag. Why didn't Frank just shoot him? John runs out the front door and follows. The music in this scene is so from an episode of Starsky & Hutch. Black Hoodie runs down an alley, past a chained, barking dog, and runs into a car. He gets back up and runs off. The dog somehow detains John, even though it's chained up. Black Hoodie runs out into the street, where he is hit by the only car around, but manages to get up and run off again. John comes around the corner and asks the car's driver where Black Hoodie went. The driver doesn't know. John and Frank look around, but Black Hoodie seems to have just disappeared. Man, that was some bad music.

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John Doe




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