John Doe
Past Imperfect

Episode Report Card
Ragdoll: C+ | Grade It Now!
Foiled again!

John Doe HQ. Karen is sitting on the couch, doing -- what, exactly? Not assisting, not typing, not much of anything, actually. John stands in front of a mirror, whinnying about how Mrs. Ex-Prescott called him a murderer. Karen whines, "Okay, this is like, major over-share." Could this character possibly BE any more annoying? The two run through the possibilities: Could he be Steven Prescott? No. Because then he'd be fifty-two years old, and clearly, he's not fifty-two. According to Karen, only "old" people are fifty-two. She adds, "Maybe you're a vampire or something." Let's pause for a second. It's daylight. The apartment has wall-to-wall windows. Not only is Karen an idiot -- she's an idiot who has never seen Buffy, the original movie or the television show. John insists that Karen be serious. Her reply: "You could be an alien revisiting your abductee?" He pauses. She says, "Seriously? Have you been tested medically to make sure you're human?" He rolls his eyes and starts to walk away: "I'm so glad I shared this with you." Karen starts off on yet another fanciful X-Files-inspired tangent: "You could be a time traveler!" This one sticks. John turns back around. She continues, "Yeah! That's why you haven't aged at all -- you just jumped through time." John explains that the science does not exist for time travel. Karen points out that it might not exist in the now, but it sure as hell could exist in the future.

University of British Seacouver. John and Karen are going to see a professor about the whole time-travel/physics issue. They are both dressed completely differently than they were in the previous scene. What day is it? The course this professor teaches is entitled "Physics and the Reality of Time Travel." Apparently, "her boyfriend Colin" knows the professor keeps office hours until 1 PM. Cue the annoying hippie environmentalist harassing people as they try to make their way into the building. First, it's a poor girl carrying fresh-cut flowers. Hippie Environmentalist damns her because the pesticides used to grow the flowers have endangered six different types of tiger beetle. Ouch. Visions of my undergraduate life just flashed by my eyes. He jams a pamphlet into her arms. He accosts Karen next because she's wearing leather shoes. Annoying Activist says, "Animal skins. Do you know how many creatures had to die just so you could strut around wearing the latest fashions?" John turns around and says, "None." Blah fake leather shoes blah. Then he lays his genius on poor activist: his sweater is Australian wool, and the Australian government permits the slaughter of five million kangaroos annually, because they're pests that eat the grass the ranchers need for the sheep. Pause. "Nice chatting with you." And with that, they leave a stunned Mr. Greenpeace behind.

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John Doe




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