John Doe
Past Imperfect

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Ragdoll: C+ | Grade It Now!
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Foiled again!

Crime Lab. John quotes a case where bloodstain pattern analysis exonerated the subject. We're about to take a trip down a road called Influenced By C.S.I. It's a wide road, with lots of twists and turns. He sets up his experiment by telling Frank and Jamie to imagine that the lab is actually the room where Vanessa was murdered. Make sure you note that while on this road, you need to take gravity, air resistance, and the direction the blood was traveling into account. As John puts on a lab coat, a technician brings in a dummy that is "all rigged and ready to go." John notes where the killer would have stood -- just behind the victim according to the pattern of her injuries. The technician hands him a kitchen knife. John stabs the dummy. It makes a splooshing sound. Lab Girl says, "Wide arching back-splatter. If you killed her, your shirt would have been covered in blood." John giggles. "Not just my jeans, I must have been lying in it [the blood, he means], crawled through it." Jamie's convinced; she loves science. Then she says, "You have twelve hours to find out who really did this. Frank, you and him are glue." Then the boss goes off to deal with some of her other cases -- you know, the ones we don't see. This leaves Frank, who asks, "Where'd you learn all this?" John grins and says, "Discovery Channel." There's nothing like a gloating genius to really make your day when you're working a double homicide. Yawn. John goes on to thank Frank, who makes some comment about how he's not going to have a "macho violin moment." Yeah, um, okay, whatever you say -- I can type it, but that doesn't mean I have to understand it.

In the main room of the police station, one of Frank's kids comes bounding up to him, screaming, "Daddy! Daddy!" I start thinking of Frank Sinatra. Hum a couple bars of "Don't Rain On My Parade." Imagine how much it sucks to be addicted to heroin like Christopher on The Sopranos. I'm ignoring the blatant and unnecessary family placement happening on this damn show. Cue Frank's marital problems front and center. Blah his wife was sick of waiting for him, blah the kids are at the police station, blah Samuel Jackson blah Changing Lanes. Frank dumps the kid off, and the boy and John have a "moment." The kid asks about the fake blood. Frank deals with his wife. Doe starts telling the kid all kinds of freaky facts about blood. He starts every sentence with, "Did you know [insert freaky and totally irrelevant fact here]." The Kid retorts, "Did you know you talk weird?" and "Did you know that your shoelace is undone?" Then John does the whole "rabbit-ear" shoe-tying thing. Ah, tenderness. Frank and John discuss how his son is a "great kid." Then Frank asks where John got the whole "tie your shoe" bit. Okay, this entire scene was simply a segue for John to muse about the fact that he doesn't know where it came from, that it was something he just knows -- something from a previous life, or, dare I say it, a memory.

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John Doe

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