John Doe
Pilot

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Kim: B- | Grade It Now!
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Pilot

At the police station, John explains to Frank and his boss (are we ever going to find out her name?) that Evan Nichols faked his death and moved to Switzerland to escape his prison sentence. John delivers yet another trump card -- Mrs. Nichols' authorization to exhume Evan's alleged body.

At the coroner's office (and by the way, fastest exhumation ever), John shows Frank's boss why the body isn't Evan's. It has to do with minerals found in the bones that indicate the dead person was a vegetarian. Mrs. Nichols confirms that her husband was not a vegetarian. That seems a little shady. And when did this show turn into CSI?

Frank's boss walks down the hallway, going all Tommy Lee Jones in The Fugitive ordering them to search every henhouse and outhouse. Or something like that. Frank gets a call and tells John that a meter maid found an Impala matching John's description.

Frank and John pull up next to the Impala in John's snazzy car. Frank sees a man in a trench coat and fedora. It's The Shadow! Frank yells out to Evan, who ignores them and runs down to the marina. John and Frank give chase. Evan runs down the pier and knocks two poor extras carrying a sailboat over. Frank draws his gun as he and John try to surround Evan. Frank finds him, but Evan knocks over a table and some barrels and runs away. Frank runs right into the debris and is impaled in the thigh by a large fishing hook or anchor or something. John runs up to help Frank, but Frank tells him to go after Evan. John finds a piece of cloth and ties it around Frank's leg above the wound, and also pours sugar in it, which apparently helps the clotting. Frank says that, at some point, they have to discuss "who or what [John] really [is]." John tells Frank to keep pressure on it, and Frank tells John to go after Evan, who has just taken off in a boat.

John finds a helicopter. At the marina? Why not? It's thankfully unmanned, unlocked, and the keys are in it. Although I guess helicopter theft isn't a huge problem. John reviews how to fly the thing, and takes off. He shortly goes into a nosedive, but pulls out of it. How fast was that boat, anyway, that John couldn't catch up to it? He flies around a nearby island, and spots Evan's boat anchored offshore. Luckily, the island has a clearing big enough to land a helicopter, so John does.

On the shore, John finds Evan's hat and sniffs it. He says, "Of course. You're not taking her to Switzerland." He's like a bloodhound. Given the fact that Evan had, like, a two-minute head start on John, and John had a helicopter, I'm really impressed that Evan was able to anchor the boat, somehow get to shore, and settle down to watch his daughter play on the beach. John stumbles upon this scene and realizes that it's Emerald Cove, a fact that the rest of us non-geniuses figured out as soon as we saw the painting. John walks up to Evan, who says that they haven't met under the best of circumstances. Evan is clearly suffering from some health problems. He actually kind of looks like Steve Buscemi, sadly enough. Evan asks how John found him. John holds up the laundry token. Evan says that Jenny is okay, and it's been a big adventure for her. John asks if she knows that Evan is dying. Evan gives, to quote the captioning, a "surprised grunt." John explains that he found traces of a medical cream in the motel room, and connected that to the clumps of hair he found in Evan's hat, along with the sweat stains from jaundice. From this evidence, John deduced that Evan is in stage three chemotherapy, and has inoperable cancer. Evan nods. John asks if Evan has any idea what he put his wife through, not to mention his daughter. Evan says that his daughter thought he was dead, and this was the only way they could have this moment. John feels bad for yelling at him. Evan asks what happens now. John says he's taking her back. Evan coughs weakly. John says that the helicopter only has seats for two. Evan looks grateful. Moments later, Jenny runs up to John and say that her father told her that John is "the mystery man here to fly [her] home." John asks Jenny if she recognizes him, and she says no. John starts to explain, but Jenny totally interrupts and asks if she can go home now. Hee! They fly back in the helicopter.

Okay, a word about Evan Nichols, who I think was supposed to be a slightly sympathetic character in the end. I hope he dies a slow, painful death. First, he stole money. Then, he faked his own death, not to protect his wife and daughter, but to avoid jail time. So his wife and daughter were probably terribly grief-stricken, and if he had to steal money in the first place, he probably left them heavily in debt. Although maybe they got insurance. So then, dude gets cancer and decides that he needs to see his daughter one more time. His daughter, who is probably already messed up from his "death," now has severe psychological trauma. How is her mom going to explain this one? I hope they have a lot of money for therapy. Did it really do Jenny any good to have that one more day with her father? I don't think it did. It was incredibly selfish on her father's part. Wow, I put way too much thought and energy into that. It just really bugged me.

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John Doe

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