Multiple cop cars pull up to the restaurant, sirens blaring. They discover two cops, bound and gagged, sitting back to back on some crates in the middle of the street. In addition, there are bombs strapped to each cop. Lt. Bosslady calls in the bomb squad, who are certainly earning their pay this week. Lt. Bosslady's phone rings, and the killer asks if she really thinks The Mourner is an appropriate name, since he's not really sad. Lt. Bosslady tries to be sassy, but the killer wants to talk to John. Frank says that he'll get Stella to do a triangulation trace. John grabs the phone, and the killer does that serial-killer taunting thing for a while before describing the two captive cops. One is a male, who is "pathetically single," "does a lot of one-handed typing in chat rooms," and lives with his mother. The other is female, speaks fluent Russian, Ukrainian, and English, and is supposed to get married on Saturday. The killer says that both cops are sitting on pressure-sensitive switches. One will detonate a bomb when released, and the other will disarm both switches. The killer urges John to "choose the right cop." Frank urges Stella to give them the killer's location. The killer tells John that when the traffic signal turns red, if John hasn't made a choice, he will detonate the bomb anyway. The killer hangs up, and Frank says that they didn't trace the call. Because it's coming from inside the house! Sorry.
John explains his task to Lt. Bosslady. He runs through the number of letters in each name and the number of marriages on Saturdays and then says that there are too many variables and he can't figure it out. The light turns yellow. John chooses the male cop, and then changes his mind and chooses the female cop because she's "getting married and starting a family." First of all, how annoying that he thinks she's more valuable because she's getting married, and how even more annoying that he thinks that because she's getting married, she must be starting a family. Anyway. John vacillates some more, and Lt. Bosslady realizes that it means the cop on the right-hand side. Before they can launch into a discussion of whether it means their right or the cops' right, Lt. Bosslady runs out and tackles the male cop. Nothing explodes. Lt. Bosslady explains why she chose the male cop. The phone rings, and John picks up. The killer says, "Cheater, cheater, pumpkin-eater. Next time, no help." Pumpkin-eater? What is he, eight years old? The killer is in elementary school!