John From Cincinnati
His Visit: Day Five

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Mr. Sobell: B- | Grade It Now!
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Preach On. And On. And On Some More.

Anyhow, the Shaun-Tina sit-down is nigh. While Shaun waits in his bedroom, Cissy gives Tina some last-minute instructions on serving her grandson tuna fish. How does Shaun like his tuna fish, Tina wants to know. "Salt," Cissy says, her voice breaking and her eyes fixed on the flooring. "Pepper. Pickles. Lemon juice. Two tablespoons of mayo. Is how I make it. I don't know how he likes it. I never asked him." And with that, Cissy leaves. Cissy -- I say this with some regret but...that is one terrible-ass tuna fish sandwich recipe. It is quite possibly the worst thing you have ever done...you know, other than that whole molestation thing we learned about earlier. But the shitty tuna fish recipe -- that's not good either.

Kai returns to her trailer and realizes that she had a visitor -- and, more important, that said visitor removed the pistol she had carefully and obviously stashed under the mattress. Look out, Peter Gabriel -- none of your CDs are safe.

While Cissy broods -- and smokes -- in Mitch's clubhouse (it could be worse, Cissy -- Mitch could be there), Tina goes about chopping up pickles for Shaun's tuna fish under Shaun's watchful gaze. No one will be seated during the heart-stopping tuna fish sandwich-making scene. Butchie strolls up to the house, doing his level best to look casual -- this happens at about the same time Cissy emerges from the clubhouse and sneaks over to the main house to try and catch a glimpse of what's going on. Butchie and Cissy catch a glimpse of each other and scamper off in their respective directions -- the effect is almost exactly like watching Shaggy and Scooby stumble across the crotchety old hotel owner disguised as the monster. Zoinks! Whoompf!

About this time, Velma Kai pulls up, catching Shaggy Butchie unawares. Did you know your mom's got a gun, Kai asks Butchie. He does -- Cissy apparently gets skittish about prowlers whenever Mitch is off following his bliss. No, Kai repeats, Cissy has a gun right now -- as in, the gun she retrieved from Kai's trailer after waving it around last night. Sure, there are no bullets in the gun -- Kai took those out, by the by: "But I don't know if it's all right that she wanted to go and get it." Butchie figures that Cissy isn't a danger to herself: "She just looked me in the eye like she's got centuries of ball-busting left in her." With that issue resolved, Kai asks Butchie if he's been driving Tina around, with just a little too much interest to come across as dispassionate on the subject. Butchie scoffs and says he walked over from the motel to make sure his carefully-bartered summit was going off according to plan. "Give me a ride back," Butchie says. "I'm exhausted." Kai smiles; she is very clearly relieved that Butchie won't be appearing in a private re-enactment of Moist Thighs, Pink Bottoms 3.

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John From Cincinnati

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