John From Cincinnati
His Visit: Day Four

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The Guns of Imperial Beach
In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description!

Previously, on John From Just Outside West Covington, Kentucky: Bill's testicles were on display for the entire neighborhood. Oh, and John went missing -- well, "got stabbed" would be more accurate, and "got miraculously healed by Vietnam Joe, who was more than a little freaked out by this turn of events" would be more accurate still. Mitch slept with Cass and then levitated -- we'll let you decide which is more disturbing. Reporters skulked around the surf shop trying to get more dirt on Shaun's miraculous recovery; shockingly, Cissy reacted poorly to this. On orders from his bird, Bill hung out with Freddy the Drug Dealer. A mysterious blonde woman showed up looking for Butchie Yost. Also, Cass kicked out Mitch to take in John, which caused Linc to fire her, and Mitch went crawling back to Cissy. So now you're up to date on who's aligned with whom.

Credits. Everybody says that there's nobody meaner than the little old lady from Pasadena. But obviously, they haven't meant the screaming surf matron of Imperial Beach.

Morning breaks in Imperial Beach, with Cass waking up in her hotel room. The good news is that there's no longer an aging, mumbo-jumbo-spouting hipster in her bed; the bad news is there is a fully-clothed Morrissey lookalike lying on her floor, with his eyes wide open and staring at the ceiling. Between this and John's non-sleeping over at Butchie's place, I think we've established that he does not engage in what you humans call bed rest. A flicker of regret for taking in this weirdo flashes across Cass's face...

...though really, it shouldn't, given the alternative. The Yosts are lying in bed when the phone rings. Though the phone is on his side of the bed, Mitch looks over at Cissy expectantly. One ringie-dingie. Two ringie-dingies. Three ringie-dingies...finally, Cissy rolls over Mitch to answer the phone. Must be their thing. In my house, that thing would be called "The Last Thing I Ever Did Before My Wife Hit Me With The Sock Stuffed With Oranges." "You know I want to tell you some things if you'd want to listen," Mitch says, as Cissy is picking up the phone. Excellent timing, my man. Seriously, just some top-drawer husband behavior there. Tune in next week, when Mitch offers Cissy some helpful cooking tips right after she serves up dinner. Cissy opts not to hear the wondrous things Mitch has to say in order to continue answering the phone call. She bolts out of bed: "Stop. Shut up. Whatever you want, you're not getting it." Boy, someone hates telemarketers. "Wherever you are," Cissy continues, "fucking stay there, and leave us alone!" Boy, someone really hates telemarketers. As Cissy hangs up, we hear a car engine starting up just outside the Yost home. Cissy runs outside the house just in time to see the mysterious blonde lady in her fancy red sports car, executing the most spiteful three-point turn in automotive history before speeding off. "Fourteen years late," Cissy mutters, returning to the house, as Shaun comes out of his room wondering who just peeled out in front of the house. By that cryptic "fourteen years late" remark, kiddo, I'd guess it was your birth mama.

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John From Cincinnati

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