John From Cincinnati

Episode Report Card
Mr. Sobell: C+ | 439 USERS: C+
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The End Is Here

Anyhow, the parade resumes, with Bill directing traffic with his cuffed hands. Linc and Zach Morris drive by in their SUV. Then there's the El Camino, stuffed to the gills with Yosts, followed by a news van, and then Dr. Johnny Fever's sweet ride. ("Here's a drug casualty," Bill screams. "Thinks this car's normal.") Then it's Cunningham's car, with Ramon blowing his trumpet. ("Go ahead, the homosexual in the hybrid," Bill continues.) A truck of bikini-clad women rolls on by. ("Look at the breasts on these women," Bill says to no one in particular. "This country is doomed." Because of breasts? Egad.) We also catch a glimpse of Dickstein leading his Surfing Attorney group down to the pier as well. I am disappointed there are no Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade balloons like Underdog or Ronald McDonald in this parade, but I guess I'll learn to cope.

Zack Morris and Linc ascend the platform to speak to the multitude. Zack goes first: "Low-rent and half-assed," he begins. "Hardcore Stinkweed." As corporate slogans go, I can't say I'm terribly impressed. Zack gives a shout out to bikini-clad women -- "the lovely Stinkweed ladies" -- some of whom have stick-figure symbols on their bikinis. Soaking all this in live and in person instead of via Dwayne's computer, Jerri grabs Dwayne's hands and places them on her breasts -- I guess those breasts will not doom this country. And behold the new Stinkweed logo -- it'll be familiar to any of you who've been watching the show lately. "Take a good look, Ma," Mitch mutters to Cissy, who's holding Mitch down by the shirt sleeve. "We're them now."

Now, it's Linc's turn at the megaphone. He notes the Yosts standing on the pavement -- "because they do not want to be on the same stage as me" -- and introduces them one by one. ("Linc's going to sell the family," John murmurs.) John's introduced, too, as Butchie's new surfing discovery, Johnny Monad from Cincinnati. "Stinkweed, a wing and a prayer," Linc continues. "Until we signed Butchie Yost fifteen years ago. Butchie Yost put Stinkweed on the map, and we did all we could to help Butchie crash and burn. Because business is business, and in our business, we sell crash-and-burn." Anyhow, Linc starts recapping how Shaun came to be in his stable, fibbing a bit about Shaun's neck sprain -- it's all a marketing gimmick, Linc pretends. And Shaun's disappearance with John? More marketing hijinks. "Which is how and why the Leopard is here before you now," Linc continues. "The Yosts have thrown a collar on the cat. They're making him climb in a cage. They will stay with Stinkweed only if I get out." Following all that? Then let John, for once, provide some clarity: "Stinkweed provides cover for my Father." It's all an act, you see, because it's easier to put the blame on Linc than explain what actually is going on, as anyone who's seen the last ten episodes will tell you. "Linc is el camino," John says. Indeed he is.

John From Cincinnati

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