John From Cincinnati
His Visit: Day Nine

Episode Report Card
Mr. Sobell: C | Grade It Now!
The End Is Here

Now, it's Linc's turn at the megaphone. He notes the Yosts standing on the pavement -- "because they do not want to be on the same stage as me" -- and introduces them one by one. ("Linc's going to sell the family," John murmurs.) John's introduced, too, as Butchie's new surfing discovery, Johnny Monad from Cincinnati. "Stinkweed, a wing and a prayer," Linc continues. "Until we signed Butchie Yost fifteen years ago. Butchie Yost put Stinkweed on the map, and we did all we could to help Butchie crash and burn. Because business is business, and in our business, we sell crash-and-burn." Anyhow, Linc starts recapping how Shaun came to be in his stable, fibbing a bit about Shaun's neck sprain -- it's all a marketing gimmick, Linc pretends. And Shaun's disappearance with John? More marketing hijinks. "Which is how and why the Leopard is here before you now," Linc continues. "The Yosts have thrown a collar on the cat. They're making him climb in a cage. They will stay with Stinkweed only if I get out." Following all that? Then let John, for once, provide some clarity: "Stinkweed provides cover for my Father." It's all an act, you see, because it's easier to put the blame on Linc than explain what actually is going on, as anyone who's seen the last ten episodes will tell you. "Linc is el camino," John says. Indeed he is.

And as "Long Tall Sally" blasts over the soundtrack, Freddy and Moana have their long-awaited closure. "Talk or get the fuck out of here," Freddy says, not looking at Moana. "Brah," Moana says, "give me the keys." They exchange fist pounds. No one pounds Palaka's fist. That means they've reached an agreement. Now let us never speak of this plotline again.

And now, here's where things get weird. Please try and contain your shock about that. A long-haired kid slides up to a lady who looks like the nurse who attended to Shaun back in the hospital. John informs us via voiceover: "Dr. Smith comes back twenty years younger from Cincinnati." O...kay. "Cissy gets knocked up." Right. "She's bigger than Leona Helmsley." Mmm-hmmm. "Earth puts Dickstein on retainer." Uh...what? "Daphne keeps his head straight." Yes, yes, go back to the other thing. "Jerri meets a slew of new harelips." Eh? "My Father four-walls Barry's bar." Four? Walls? "Dr. Smith trains Dwayne and Ramon." To do what, exactly? "My Father freelances in Cass's camera." Okay, now you're just making shit up to mess with me. You shut up, John Monad. You shut up for good.

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John From Cincinnati




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