As Butchie, John, and Shaun head into the water -- John is trying to walk in backwards, incidentally -- Cissy observes, "Just when you think he's run out of doofuses..." But Mitch has other things on his mind -- specifically, why Bill and Shaun happened to be out for a drive. They wouldn't have been on their way to Huntington for a surfing competition when that flat tire hit 'em, huh, wifey? "He was," Cissy says, without a trace of hesitation or regret. "I asked him to." Mitch notes that he specifically forbade any competition-related trips up to Huntington. Cissy sighs: "Maybe this is the time we admit we don't have a perfect marriage." Oh, you think so? Really? Anyhow, Mitch tells Cissy he doesn't have a brain tumor after all -- it's just a case of surfer's ear, he says. You can tell from his face that he doesn't exactly believe that, but it probably sounds a whole lot better than "a bad case of the freaky supernatural powers."

Hey, speaking of freaky things, let's pay one last visit to our good friend, Barry Cunningham. He's currently engaged in a very serious heart-to-heart talk with his teddy bear. "Do you surf, Teddy?" he asks the bear sadly. It turns out the bear does, but only after Cunningham picks it up and moves around its limbs to approximate surfing moves before flinging it to the floor. "Teddy," Cunningham says, "you wiped out." And you know, in an hour of what-the-hell television, that little segment there may have been the what-the-helliest.

Out in the water, John has started grabbing his leg and howling about a cramp per Butchie's instructions. Butchie tells his son to catch the next wave; he and John will wait a bit before paddling in. So Shaun does. And whatever else we might say about the weirdness of John From Cincinnati -- and by God, this is a weird-ass show -- they sure do film the surfing all pretty. I guess it helps to have Greyson Fletcher, who is an actual real-life surfer from a long line of such, in your cast. John is so moved by Shaun's surfing that he abandons the "Ow! Me leg!" routine and catches a wave of his own. And what do you know -- turns out the freaky weirdo can surf after all. Perhaps that's another one his powers, like the magic pockets and the ability to only speak in repetitive dialogue. Mitch, meanwhile, has decided he won't be joining his son, grandson, and otherworldly visitor in the briny foam. "Before us fallen earthlings?" Cissy says sarcastically. Mitch chuckles as if to say, "My wife...she makes my life a joyless slog."